Confession

I'm human. I'm not perfect.

I feel obligated to admit that the YouTube lent is going really well, but 1) I haven't done as much spiritual study/pondering as I was hoping for; and 2) I have slipped and seen an occasional video once in a while in the last two weeks (for a grand total of maybe 15 minutes).

BUT, I haven't watched ANY Dodger... and that's saying something, especially when it's my last two weeks of school and final exams and projects are bearing down hard. Sometimes all I want to do is curl up with Coffehtime and get lost in her adventures of life (and, of course, cat stories). Not to mention watching her Let's Play videos where she does hilarious voice acting and narration (especially the visual novels/love sims).

So if I'm not spending my time on YouTube or Netflix, and I still am not pleased with my spiritual studying... what AM I spending all my extra time doing, you ask?

Well for starters, I'm doing a lot more writing! I have a writing group now and we have a blast every week. We get together on Thursday evenings and read stories out loud, provide constructive criticism, laugh, and play games. It's seriously the best thing ever. As a result of this group, I'm more encouraged to write and finish my Destroyer story that has been with me for years. And it's working! I've got about ten chapters written so far, and a lot more on the way!

Another task I have busied myself with is homework, sadly enough. But I am in my last two weeks of my college career and after my internship this summer, I will have no more homework! Hallelujah!! So I just need to push through and conquer. I'm almost done...

So, in the end, I have had a few slip-ups, mistakes, and course corrections, but I still feel like YouTube lent is a good thing for me. Now to set some goals to make me stretch and do even more! I'm not quite half-way done with my 40-day fast, but I can see the potentially great effect it can have on my life.

I'm human. I'm not perfect.

But I can grow and change.

Lent For Growth

I like to think that I am constantly improving, constantly changing for the better.  But sometimes, I realize activities or things I choose to make priorities in my life don't always necessitate growth.  For a while now, I have indulged in a hobby and thoroughly enjoyed it, however it has come at the cost of other more important tasks.  This hobby is not something that is helping me grow, especially spiritually.  Lately I have felt starved spiritually and even though it is Conference Weekend for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (where we get to listen to apostles and prophets speak for ten hours), my spirit remains hungry.

I have pondered why this may be.  The answer is not new.  I have had feelings such as these before and set goals for myself to mitigate the time I spent on this hobby in hopes of being more productive in other areas of my life.  The goals worked for a time, but eventually I fell back into old habits and the cycle repeated itself.

I am talking about my addiction to YouTube.

Yes, the dreaded Tube.  In the last six months my "addiction" has spiraled out of control.  I will stay awake late into the night (sometimes all night) to watch videos of bloggers rambling, do-it-yourself projects, and other random colorful images flash before my eyes.  Having an affinity for video editing, I am drawn to YouTube.  I find the editing, stories, and other such aspects intriguing.

There is one YouTuber in particular who I admire a great deal.  Her name is Dodger Leigh and she has a gaming channel called PressHeartToContinue and a personal blogging channel called DexterityBonus in which she does daily "Coffeh" times and rambles about her life.  I'm addicted to DexterityBonus because of her humor, impressions, stories, and insights.

But as much I have enjoyed watching multiple Dodger videos every single day, spending many hours with her, I have decided it's time for a change.

No, the change isn't because I no longer like the girl.  Rather it's a change I feel is necessary if I want to get back upon my spiritual feet.  You see, lately (as in the pass few weeks) I have felt myself drifting away from my Heavenly Father and my testimony becoming brittle, like a candle whose wick is burning low.  This is not to say I don't believe in Him or Jesus Christ anymore, it's more that I feel like I have shut out a good friend and I need to find the courage to open the door again.  Finding that courage is going to require discipline and humility, without any distractions.

And right now, I can't afford distractions in my life.  I'm graduating college and have no idea what I'm going to do after that!  I need divine assistance, yet I can't get myself to open the door.  I know He's on the other side, waiting... But I'm too darn prideful!

YouTube provides a nice escape for me to run to when I don't want to open that door.

I am tired of running.

It's time to face who I am and strengthen my relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

So how am I going to do this?

Have you heard of Lent?  It is a period of 40 days prior to Easter in which many Christian religions participate.  Individuals "give up" or fast from something they love for a period of 40 days in the hopes of becoming a better person or connecting with God (much like when Christ went 40 days in the desert to commune with His Father).  In my case, I want to go without YouTube for 40 days in hopes of strengthening my conversion to the Gospel.  I know Lent has actually already started (in fact, it's more than half over by now), but I figure it doesn't matter when I start, just as long as I do something.

Now, I have made goals like this before.  I have said, "No YouTube for one week."  And let me tell you, it was killer.  So 40 days seems like an eternity to me without amazing COFFEH time videos... But what makes this fast different is the fact that I'm not simply going without YouTube to see if I can or because the week is busy.  No, I'm going without YouTube with the distinct purpose of drawing closer to my Father in Heaven and Savior Jesus Christ.

It's like working out: you can exercise to lose weight and succeed only to return to old habits once you've reached your goal, or you can choose to exercise to live a healthier life and be happier (a goal which is ongoing and doesn't have a set end-date).  I prefer to choose the second option.  Losing weight is simply a bonus!

Likewise, quitting YouTube for 40 days to grow spiritually is the goal.  Breaking my addiction is simply a bonus!

To all of you who are currently doing Lent, or wish to join me in giving up something you enjoy, I want to say good luck!  And if you have any suggestions or encouraging tips to help me (and others) through this challenge, please feel free to comment below!

We can conquer this!