Lately, for whatever reason, I have been thinking more and more about my future husband. Now, I'm going to admit a truth to you, but I have not been in a "real" relationship for several years. Part of that is because I believe my first couple relationships were so close and so intense that when they
did finally end, my heart was so far damaged that mending it was nearly impossible. I tried having another boyfriend and that worked for a while. But in the end, I realize I truly wasn't happy and I was deceiving the guy and playing
his heart. Since that time, I have dated guys, had my heart broken more than once, but somehow picked myself up again. After my last
almost serious relationship (which fell through), I convinced myself to stop throwing my heart around and that I wanted my next serious boyfriend to be my future spouse. I even told the Lord this.
Note: Do not tell the Lord something unless you plan to stick with it. =)
Because of this, I have not grown really close to a guy (in that way). In ways, I'm rather grateful for this because I realize that he is worth waiting for. Whoever "he" is, he will be worth the wait. I also have come to understand the mistake I made all those years ago with wearing my heart on my sleeve. I guess I wouldn't call it a mistake so much as a growing experience. But nonetheless, I have realized how precious my heart is and I'm glad I now keep it in a safe place.
Don't get me wrong, when the right guy comes along (and tears down the defenses I've built up for years) I will open myself up to him and he will get to see a side of me no one (other than my Dad) has seen. I'm slowly becoming more confident in myself to open up more in public with friends, but there's still a part of me I keep hidden from the world. When the day comes
he walks into my life, I will feel a sense of peace and wholeness that I have been missing. THAT is how I will know he's a good guy.
Also, I actually do know a lot of
great and wonderful guys right now. I love each of them and they have amazing characteristics that I admire; many of which I will continue to look for in my future spouse. I also realize my future spouse will not be perfect... in fact, I'm expecting far from it. Now, I know that may sound harsh, but hear me out: I am
grateful he will
NOT be perfect, for if he
was perfect, I would feel as though I could never measure up. How can an imperfect being grow with a perfect being? The truth is, a
perfect being doesn't grow at all, because they're
perfect already! So I will be grateful for the faults my future spouse has. We all make mistakes while living this life, but we have also done many wonderful things. I plan to focus on the wonderful things, acknowledging the mistakes and using them as growing experiences.
Now, onto this short story.
This snippet is from the book "When God Writes You're Love Story" by Eric & Leslie Ludy. I am copying it directly out of the book, but that's only because it's so good! I believe it is actually based on part of "Homer's Odyssey" [see below for credits].
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful queen named Penelope who was carefully weaving a white linen roll. It was to be a gift for her husband whose return she anxiously awaited each day. For years the king had been away fighting in the Trojan War. Each and every day Penelope would say his name over and over again, somehow hoping he would hear the cry of her aching heart.
One day, many great chiefs and princes, all in search of wives, set sail for Ithaca to try to win Penelope's hand. They assured the lonely queen that the kind had died in battle, and that it would be best for the people of Ithaca and for her own protection that she pick one of the to be her new husband.
But Penelope, with tears in her royal eyes, answered, "Heroes and most honored princes, I refuse to believe what you say. I am certain that my noble husband lives, and I must faithfully keep his kingdom for him till he returns. I am weaving a white linen roll for him even now."
The chiefs and princes stubbornly refused to return home and daily reminded her of her need for a husband and of Ithaca's need for a king.
Weeks passed by, and still Penelope did not bend but continued to faithfully weave her linen roll in hopes of the king's return. The chiefs and princes tried every possible persuasion, but to no avail. The group of hopeful suitors moved into the palace, drinking the royal wine and consuming the royal food. They refused to depart until Penelope chose one of them to marry.
A weary and reluctant Penelope finally agreed to choose a new husband as soon as she finished weaving her white linen roll, if the king had not returned by then. Weeks passed, and still she kept weaving. However, by night she would secretly unravel all the thread she had woven during the day. Eventually her scheme was discovered.
A leader among them, Agelaus, called the assembly together and addressed Penelope in a loud voice. "Queen Penelope," he fumed angrily, "your stubbornness has left us no choice but to take this matter into our own hands. We have seen your trickery in delaying the completion of your cursed linen roll, and we will stand for it no longer. Finish it by tomorrow and select your new husband before noon, or we will choose him for you! We will not wait another day!"
The next afternoon all the suitors gathered to await Penelope's decision. Just as she entered the banquet hall, a strange beggar quietly crept into the assembly. His head was hidden beneath a tattered hood, and a ragged cloak was wrapped around his decrepit body. He hobbled to the back of the hall quietly, unnoticed save for a few mocking sneers from the suitors he passed. Penelope began to speak, capturing the attention of all present.
"Chiefs and Princes," said Penelope with a knot of grief in her regal throat, "we will leave this decision to fate. Behold, I am holding the great bow of my husband, the king. Each of you must try your strength in bending it, and I will choose the one amongst you who can shoot the most accurate arrow."
"Agreed!" cried the suitors, and they eagerly lined up to test their strength.
One after the other struggled to bend the great bow. Then losing patience, each of the gallant nobles threw it to the ground and strode away.
"Only a giant could bend that bow of iron!" they moaned.
"Perhaps the filthy old beggar would like to test his strength," one yelled with a sneer.
At that, the beggar rose from his chair and moved with halting steps to the head of the hall.
"You old fool!" the suitors howled in derision as the dirty traveler picked up the great bow.
Suddenly a remarkable change came over the stranger. The decrepit traveler straightened his back and rose to his full height, and even in a beggar's rags it was impossible not to notice that this weary traveler was every inch a king. Then, without effort, he bent the bow and strung it as everyone in the great hall looked on in astonishment. The king had returned!
The suitors were speechless. Then, in sheer panic, they turned and fled for their lives. But the arrows of the king were swift and accurate, and every one found its target. Not a single suitor escaped the vengeance of the king that day.
Penelope ran to her hero and embraced him. Then with the voice of an angel she said, "I have faithfully kept your kingdom, my noble king!" She tenderly presented him with a soft white linen roll. "I have spent years weaving this gift in hopes of your return. On the day I finished it, I was told to choose a husband." The, placing a tender kiss upon his soiled cheek, she said, "And I choose you."
[Eric Ludy, When God Writes Your Love Story, 131-135.
From: Richard Lattimore, Homer's Odyssey, 305-328.]
How great is that little love story? The main message that stood out to me was that sometimes we might get mocked or ridiculed for waiting for the right guy (or girl) to come along. Others question our efforts and wonder why we're even waiting when there are so many
other good people to choose from. But we should not lower our standards to be with someone else, because in the end, we find our eternal companion
because of those efforts.
We simply need to have
faith that we
will find someone in this life that has our standards and compliments our personality. The odds are pretty high that
someone in this world will find you. And until that day, you simply need to have faith.
I also am not implying you simply
wait for the love of your life to come and sweep you off your feet! Just like Penelope, we should actively be striving and improving ourselves (making something for our special someone out of ourselves). So when the day comes they do enter our lives, we can present them with the greatest gift of all: The best of ourselves.
I would like to end with this quote from the same book:
"Faithfulness is a discipline that is refined and honed through years of practice. In a sense, faithfulness means developing the habit of loving your future spouse through patiently waiting, consistently hoping, and living by the high standard to which you've been called. I like to picture faithfulness as an oak tree that patiently endures the torrid winds and rains, only to become stronger and more solid as a result. It is strength learned through persevering; it is integrity gained through waiting. It's imperative to the beautiful side of love."
[Eric Ludy, When God Writes Your Love Story, 130. Emphasis added.]
