Goodbye Old Life

I'm currently in the process of cleaning out my life (both physical as well as emotional).

I have the biggest to-do list on the face of the Earth (on my Earth, anyway) and I call it my "MEGA To-Do List."  There's quite a few projects on there involving cleaning the house and de-junking/de-cluttering everything.  Of course, this includes my own personal stuff.

Growing up my parents never had a "get rid of" party or shindig.  Therefore, I have unfortunately held on to most of my stuff over the years.  When we moved 10 years ago, we didn't get rid of much (seeing as we were only moving 100 feet).  However, 10 years later, we collect more stuff.  Including myself.

Well, today was a big day for me because I happened to achieve a personal victory.

In the last 5 years of my life, I have undergone a major change.  In high school I wasn't exactly the "perfect child" and I ran with a pretty rough crowd.  Obviously, peers have influence on our lifestyle and choices we make, especially involving purchases.  After my second boyfriend broke-up with me (it was rather dramatic, let me tell you), my life spiraled downward FAST!  I won't give you all the details here (and if you really want them, you can ask me personally), but I stumbled across a book series that literally saved me.  The characters of this series captivated me and literally came off the page.  By the end of the book, I felt as though I personally knew these characters.  The overall story was amazing (each book was a stand-alone story, but if you read the series you see an overarching storyline that's much more vast).  Each book dealt with someone having a traumatic past and overcoming it through the course of the story.  Each book gave me a lot of strength.

I clung to this series like a lifeline, and probably read them over 5 times (which is a lot when you realize there were 16 books at the time).  But I ate up these series like it was mana.

However, it was a romance series, and being such, there's stuff in them.

Now, this usually isn't a big deal to some people.  But over the last 5 years, I've grown and changed a lot, and it now bothers me immensely.  Such entertainment I no longer find appealing.

But, the thought of simply throwing this series out broke my heart.  Most of the books are Mass Market paperbacks, thus they do not qualify for re-sale.  I was able to sell 2 books back (one I had purchased in hardcover because I simply could not wait to read it).

I felt as though I needed to get rid of them so I could move on with my life.  They rescued me during a very dark time in my life and I have loved them for that... But it's time I moved on.

And today I did.

In the process of cleaning my room, I came across the box I had put the entire works by this author in.  I had sealed it and dated it.  "5/22/10" is what the box had on it.  I had not opened it for over a year.  However, just the thought of those books created the same sense of longing and energy as I had felt while reading them.  But I knew better.  This box HAD to go.  I hadn't opened it in over a year, and it was time.

I did not open the box.  For I knew if I did, I would have flipped through them and relived the stories, therefore I wouldn't want to throw them out.  Part of me even wanted to keep my favorites so I could analyze them for character development as an example for my own stories.  But, once again, I knew better.

I picked up the box and headed outside to the Black Beauty.

Taking a deep breath, I let the box fall into the black abyss.

Yes, the box is still sitting out there, but I'm not thinking about it.  To me, the box is gone and will never again be touched by me.

I think what's been hardest through this last year (as I knew I wanted to get rid of them) was seeing all her NEW books for this series out in the store and not picking them up.  I can't tell you how difficult that has been.  It's like a smoker trying to quit and seeing packets of cigarettes everytime he went to the store and not being able to buy them.  I tell you, it's been rough.

I'm sure you're laughing and thinking how "immature" holding on to a book series has been... But honestly, I have cherished these books like a coveted movie collection.  They meant A LOT to me...

But they are now gone... *phew*

And thus, a new stage in my life has began... One much brighter, without a cloud hanging over my head...

We'll cry tonight
And in the morning we are new
Stand in the sun
We'll dry your eyes

Arise and be
All that you dreamed