A Mother's Footsteps

If you look down as you walk along the beach, you will see footprints.  And if you look behind you, you will see a whole line of footprints.

This is like life in so many ways.

Each footprint is a piece of ourselves.  With each step, we are a leaving a bit of ourselves on the world in the form of impressions.  Some steps are larger than others, some strides are farther apart, but each step denotes a forward momentum or progression--each step leading to the next.

Eventually, those footprints will stop as we are magically "transported" to the other side of the beach.  Eventually, someone else will come along and see our footprints.  They might follow the path already created, walking alongside the impressions we have left.  Others might try to step in the footprints, to discover either the footprint is a different size than their own, or the stride is different.

The path of footprints is unique.

And when used as a guide--not the exact mold--can help to benefit someone's life.

Today is a very special day.

Not only is it Mother's Day--a time in which to celebrate mothers and all they do for us--but it is also my own mother's birthday.

It's been a little over a year since her passing, and today is such a special day.

For me personally, it is a day in which I have to celebrate my mother: the way in which she lived her life, the things I learn (and continue to learn) from her, and the marvelous life she lived.

Mother's Day is a celebration of mothers all around the world.  These wonderful mothers who sacrifice so very much to bring children into this world, and who continue to sacrifice as that child is raised.  These mothers who are our first teachers, mentors, and friends.  These mothers who love unconditionally, as though they understand a deeper part of ourselves that we do not.

Today is also my mother's birthday.  What a beautiful day to celebrate her spirit coming into this world!  I am eternally grateful for this day and for the life she chose to live after it.  For if it weren't for her (and the choices she made throughout life), I would not be here.  (I may be on the Earth in a different setting, but I wouldn't be here, right now, in this time and place.)

My mother taught me many things in life.  Being my first teacher, I learned about the value of loving.  She also helped to teach me the truths of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I came to love my Savior through the things in which she taught me.  As time moved on and Rheumatoid Arthritis set in, I came to learn the value of service--not only the importance of giving, but also receiving and allowing others to be blessed for their sacrifices.  I learned the importance of truly enduring and that it's not simply "getting by" as we hold out until "the end."  But enduring means to hold on and keep trying your very best, even when your very best might not seem like very much.  My mother endured.  Even on days when she was in so much pain she didn't want to move, she still made the phone calls to church members in order to fulfill her calling as a Visiting Teaching Supervisor.  She taught me how important a church calling is, and how sometimes we need to make sacrifices in order to fulfill that calling.

I am still learning that teaching...

So many of the things in which my mother taught me I find I am continuing to learn from.  My learning will never be finished in regards to what she taught me, for learning is a lifetime endeavor.  The values and beliefs she instilled in me over 23 years will continue throughout my lifetime and long into the future.

It is because of her sacrifice that I am here today, and the person I am.

Now that she's graduated from this life, how can I ever repay her for her sacrifice?

One of those ways is to continue forward, living life to the fullest I possibly can.  In this last year, I know my mother would not have wanted me or my dad to put our lives on hold in order to mourn her passing.  She was a fighter, and being such, I can imagine her on the other side of the veil encouraging us to "try a little harder," or "you can do one more thing."  This is the biggest reason I have not stopped.  I have not put my life on hold in order to mourn her passing.  As I have mentioned in previous posts, I feel I have grown so much this last year, and I think a large part of that is due to continually striving to move on with my life.  I knew I wanted to be more social, so I've worked on that.  I knew I wanted to graduate college (a strong desire also expressed by my mother) and so I am now in summer school in order to finish sooner.  Being able to continually move forward with life, striving to reach out a little farther and do a little bit more (as my mother would have encouraged me) has helped me grow in so many ways.  I think if I would have chosen differently, and put my life on hold (choosing to hold off on school, or choosing not be social because I felt so different from everyone else--seeing as very few have lost their mothers at my age), I think she would have been sad.  I like to think she is happy with where I am in my life and thrilled at the things I am doing as I continue to strive to grow everyday.

But what is the biggest thing that brings me peace and makes me eternally grateful for the life she lived?

The knowledge that she is no longer suffering.

When she passed, she left behind her broken body; this body which held her back in so many ways physically as she continued to grow spiritually, unable to do things in which she so strongly desired.  Now, her spirit is able to run freely in Paradise as she goes about teaching so many others of the Gospel--something she thoroughly enjoyed, even in this life.  This thought of knowing she is no longer in pain and is enjoying what she is doing now, truly brings peace to my heart.

I think this is another reason I feel I have been able to move on and continue going through life.

Many people talk about how at the passing of a loved one, eventually you will hit a "brick wall" so-to-speak, and not be able to function.  The "weight of the tragedy" will come crashing down on you all at once.

Not once have I experienced that feeling in the last year.

Sure I have had moments of sadness, realizing she was gone from this life, but the peace of the Gospel has brought so much comfort in my life, and so much protection through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, that both my Dad and I have been spared from that "brick wall."  Knowing that this is not "the end" but only a temporary separation brings a great amount of peace.  The time apart will pass quicker than we realize.

Now, I'm not downplaying the grief that some (if not most) experience after going through something like this.  Everyone experiences and processes grief differently, and so what might work well for you might not work well for someone else.  And I know this "brick wall" that is spoken of, does happen.  Some cannot function, or simply shut themselves off from the world--choosing to not be a part of it.

But I am very grateful I did not have this experience.  Yes, I miss my mother dearly, but I am continuing to strive to live life fully.  My mother wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

So, I try to follow in her footsteps (ones in which I will never be able to fill) as I continue on this path of life.