Recipe For Life This Month

Here is what a recipe for my life would look like for the month of May:

Directions for 'Life This Month'

Layer evenly:

1/5 cup work
1/5 cup school
1/5 cup homework
1/6 cup spice of life

Allow to sleep for 6 - 10 hours.  Warning: Less than 6 hours or more than 10 hours will result in a lack of product function.  Do not shake or stir ingredients!  May cause undue stress to occur on final product.  Place in 400° oven and bake for 4 weeks or until sufficiently burnt.  Pull out of oven and enjoy your summer!  *Caution!  Product will be very spent!  Handle with care!

Yes, I did indeed come up with the previous recipe for my life.  And yes, I did do the math to make those fractions as accurate as possible.  Sad that I'm spending approximately the same amount of time at work, in class, and doing homework.  I never thought I would see the day when I would spend nearly 3-4 hours every night doing homework... It's been rather intense.

Overall, I have thoroughly enjoyed taking summer classes.  (I know!  Who wants to kill themselves in a month, right?)  I am taking 6 credits in 4 weeks.  They are basically taking a normal 3½-month course and cramming it into 1.  It was GREAT once I finally got the hang of managing my time (I quickly realized I wasn't going to have a life except on the weekends--which were normally spent sleeping or doing chores and running errands; in other words, doing the things which I failed to do during the week).  But knowing I only have 5 days left... SUCH a relief!  Yet now I look back and say, "Where did the time go?"

I know it has been a while since I have blogged.  It's been crazy with the end of the Spring semester wrapping up and now this summer semester starting, and it's been a dead run ever since.  I'm feel "spent" as the recipe says.  Speaking of which, it's important to remember to layer the ingredients... do not mix them!!  I think at the beginning of the month I was attempting to "mix" the ingredients and it just wasn't working.  Once I found my perfect layering technique, life went a whole lot smoother.  (In other words, once I realized to stop trying to do "everything" during the week and simply start focusing on school, life went smoother.)

Perhaps, now that the craziness has almost ended, I can start blogging more!  I thoroughly enjoy it, yet run out of time way too often.

How is it I have time to blog right now, you may ask?

Well, I'm giving up precious sleep time in order to update you.  Just wanted to let you know that I have not died and I continue to function.  Not normal functioning, mind you, but function I do none-the-less! =D

Hope you all are enjoying your summer and that it's going smoother than mine!

A Mother's Footsteps

If you look down as you walk along the beach, you will see footprints.  And if you look behind you, you will see a whole line of footprints.

This is like life in so many ways.

Each footprint is a piece of ourselves.  With each step, we are a leaving a bit of ourselves on the world in the form of impressions.  Some steps are larger than others, some strides are farther apart, but each step denotes a forward momentum or progression--each step leading to the next.

Eventually, those footprints will stop as we are magically "transported" to the other side of the beach.  Eventually, someone else will come along and see our footprints.  They might follow the path already created, walking alongside the impressions we have left.  Others might try to step in the footprints, to discover either the footprint is a different size than their own, or the stride is different.

The path of footprints is unique.

And when used as a guide--not the exact mold--can help to benefit someone's life.

Today is a very special day.

Not only is it Mother's Day--a time in which to celebrate mothers and all they do for us--but it is also my own mother's birthday.

It's been a little over a year since her passing, and today is such a special day.

For me personally, it is a day in which I have to celebrate my mother: the way in which she lived her life, the things I learn (and continue to learn) from her, and the marvelous life she lived.

Mother's Day is a celebration of mothers all around the world.  These wonderful mothers who sacrifice so very much to bring children into this world, and who continue to sacrifice as that child is raised.  These mothers who are our first teachers, mentors, and friends.  These mothers who love unconditionally, as though they understand a deeper part of ourselves that we do not.

Today is also my mother's birthday.  What a beautiful day to celebrate her spirit coming into this world!  I am eternally grateful for this day and for the life she chose to live after it.  For if it weren't for her (and the choices she made throughout life), I would not be here.  (I may be on the Earth in a different setting, but I wouldn't be here, right now, in this time and place.)

My mother taught me many things in life.  Being my first teacher, I learned about the value of loving.  She also helped to teach me the truths of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I came to love my Savior through the things in which she taught me.  As time moved on and Rheumatoid Arthritis set in, I came to learn the value of service--not only the importance of giving, but also receiving and allowing others to be blessed for their sacrifices.  I learned the importance of truly enduring and that it's not simply "getting by" as we hold out until "the end."  But enduring means to hold on and keep trying your very best, even when your very best might not seem like very much.  My mother endured.  Even on days when she was in so much pain she didn't want to move, she still made the phone calls to church members in order to fulfill her calling as a Visiting Teaching Supervisor.  She taught me how important a church calling is, and how sometimes we need to make sacrifices in order to fulfill that calling.

I am still learning that teaching...

So many of the things in which my mother taught me I find I am continuing to learn from.  My learning will never be finished in regards to what she taught me, for learning is a lifetime endeavor.  The values and beliefs she instilled in me over 23 years will continue throughout my lifetime and long into the future.

It is because of her sacrifice that I am here today, and the person I am.

Now that she's graduated from this life, how can I ever repay her for her sacrifice?

One of those ways is to continue forward, living life to the fullest I possibly can.  In this last year, I know my mother would not have wanted me or my dad to put our lives on hold in order to mourn her passing.  She was a fighter, and being such, I can imagine her on the other side of the veil encouraging us to "try a little harder," or "you can do one more thing."  This is the biggest reason I have not stopped.  I have not put my life on hold in order to mourn her passing.  As I have mentioned in previous posts, I feel I have grown so much this last year, and I think a large part of that is due to continually striving to move on with my life.  I knew I wanted to be more social, so I've worked on that.  I knew I wanted to graduate college (a strong desire also expressed by my mother) and so I am now in summer school in order to finish sooner.  Being able to continually move forward with life, striving to reach out a little farther and do a little bit more (as my mother would have encouraged me) has helped me grow in so many ways.  I think if I would have chosen differently, and put my life on hold (choosing to hold off on school, or choosing not be social because I felt so different from everyone else--seeing as very few have lost their mothers at my age), I think she would have been sad.  I like to think she is happy with where I am in my life and thrilled at the things I am doing as I continue to strive to grow everyday.

But what is the biggest thing that brings me peace and makes me eternally grateful for the life she lived?

The knowledge that she is no longer suffering.

When she passed, she left behind her broken body; this body which held her back in so many ways physically as she continued to grow spiritually, unable to do things in which she so strongly desired.  Now, her spirit is able to run freely in Paradise as she goes about teaching so many others of the Gospel--something she thoroughly enjoyed, even in this life.  This thought of knowing she is no longer in pain and is enjoying what she is doing now, truly brings peace to my heart.

I think this is another reason I feel I have been able to move on and continue going through life.

Many people talk about how at the passing of a loved one, eventually you will hit a "brick wall" so-to-speak, and not be able to function.  The "weight of the tragedy" will come crashing down on you all at once.

Not once have I experienced that feeling in the last year.

Sure I have had moments of sadness, realizing she was gone from this life, but the peace of the Gospel has brought so much comfort in my life, and so much protection through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, that both my Dad and I have been spared from that "brick wall."  Knowing that this is not "the end" but only a temporary separation brings a great amount of peace.  The time apart will pass quicker than we realize.

Now, I'm not downplaying the grief that some (if not most) experience after going through something like this.  Everyone experiences and processes grief differently, and so what might work well for you might not work well for someone else.  And I know this "brick wall" that is spoken of, does happen.  Some cannot function, or simply shut themselves off from the world--choosing to not be a part of it.

But I am very grateful I did not have this experience.  Yes, I miss my mother dearly, but I am continuing to strive to live life fully.  My mother wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

So, I try to follow in her footsteps (ones in which I will never be able to fill) as I continue on this path of life.

Cigarettes

So, remember this post about how I finally worked up the courage to throw out a book series I had been clinging to?

Well, I went book shopping tonight (Spring Semester has finally ended, and I have one more day left before I start Summer Semester) so I decided to go buy a book I wanted (released this last Tuesday).

While browsing through the YA section, I saw the young adult series my old favorite author wrote. Granted, I have seen them many times before, even picked one up and looked at it. This series is a break off of the series I so enjoyed (and threw out) and is targeted for young adults (so less stuff would be in them). I flipped randomly through the book and stopped to read.

Now, I should clarify, the whole reason part of me still wants to read her books isn't so much to read the story again, but more to analyze her craft. On the back of this YA book, it mentions how in the last two years, she has been on the #1 New York Times Bestseller list 15 times!!! That's a LOT for one author in two years (and the funny thing is, I stopped reading her stuff a little more than 3 years ago). Now that I am doing my own writing, I reflect on those feelings I had when I read her books, especially how the characters truly came alive (I still remember most of their stories and can name several facts about them! Even after 3 years!) and I also reflect on how her craft truly works, because she's such a popular writer. I want to learn her secret--how does she create such real, breathing characters that have stayed with me all this time? How does she create these epic stories that people obviously cannot get enough of?

Therefore, I read a few pages in the middle of this YA book I picked up. Three things were very clear:

1) The author is very honest or blunt in her writing. It feels as though you are literally listening to someone tell you their own story, portraying their own emotions through their tone. The books are written in third person, but you still get an extremely personally look into the lives of these characters just by getting to know them. Within the first few sentences, I already had a grasp on the main character's mentality (even if I didn't know who he was). The writing is very honest.

2) The author uses dialogue. This type of dialogue truly shows the characters for who they are by the way their interact with each other. The important thing here is that the author is showing not telling us what the character is like. This is something I continue to struggle with and I need to desperately work on my dialogue. The author was able to show us that one character is sarcastic, but not cruel, and does indeed have a good sense of humor--all through only using dialogue.

3) And the last thing that was obvious from what little I read out of the book: I miss reading the series.

I know, I know. I do realize the choice I made nearly a year ago was the right choice, but a part of me truly does still miss it. I especially miss the author's ability to tell such an engaging story, one that you truly lose yourself in.

For me, looking at the YA book is a temptation. Part of me says, "Oh, it's YA, so it's not as bad. Go on and buy it! You can learn so much from her writing!" But the other, more logical part says, "No, if I give in on this, what's to stop me from giving in to re-reading the other series? You know you're going to want to re-read it, as this YA series is a prequel for it and therefore has all the characters you loved."

Sigh.

In that blog post, I compared seeing the author's new books being released to cigarettes for a smoker who was trying to quit. Such a temptation, yet I never gave in. This YA series--if the original is like cigarettes--this series is like Nicorette gum; it isn't as bad as smoking cigarettes, but it still has the same addictive attributes.

Therefore, I cannot give in to my craving, no matter how much I justify it. If I give in to the gum, what's to stop me from using the cigarettes as well?

On a brighter note, I did purchase the third (and final) book in the series I'm currently reading, and I also purchased another book on writing. I look forward to reading both of these.

And hopefully my mind will get off of these "cigarettes".

Crazy Day

So, today has been one of those days... You know, the kind of days where everything seems to be going by in a blur, and you feel like things are falling down around you (especially at work).

BUT, the good news is I have made it through the day (in fact, it's now actually "tomorrow" seeing as it's midnight right now).

And tonight, I am reading in one of my "new" books (purchased several weeks ago, but haven't read yet) and I'm thoroughly enjoying the humor. The author has done a much better writing job with this book than her last (this book being Book 2 in a trilogy). Anyway, I read the following quote and burst out laughing. Just goes to show, even on crazy days like today, it can always, ALWAYS, be worse:

"I didn't know where my girlfriend was, my phone battery had died, I was living in a house with a possibly insane new werewolf who I sort of suspected was suicidal or homicidal, and I was miles away from all of it, counting the spines of books. Somewhere out there, my world was slowly spinning out of orbit, and here I was in a beautifully ordinary splash of sunlight, writing The Secret Life of Bees (3/PB) on a yellow legal pad labeled INVENTORY."

It goes without saying what type of day I had to experience in order to find this quote so incredibly amusing to write an entire blog post--and laugh hysterically--about it.

Oh yes, life can always be worse... =D

[Quote is by Sam from Maggie Stiefvater's "Linger" p.137]