Here We Go 2012! Ready Or Not!

My New Year Resolutions for 2012:

Physical

•  Start an exercise routine that works for me and stick with it!
• Learn to incorporate "healthy food" into my everyday diet.
• Get plenty of rest!  (Meaning: No all nighters!)

Mental

• Study hard in school, even when I might desire to do other things.
• Keep reading books--even if it's only on Sundays because of homework during the week.  It's important to keep reading!
• Read the books on my yearly book list! 
• Write Book #1 of my book series: The Destroyer Series.

Spiritual

• Strive to draw closer to my Savior through my actions and deeds each and everyday.
• Take opportunities to serve others whenever they present themselves.
• Continue reading everyday in the scriptures.
• Start thoroughly studying the New Testament.
• Study the Sunday School lesson a week in advance (I'm all for being prepared, and this is a habit I wanted to establish earlier this year... Sadly it has yet to develop, so I am making it a resolution for 2012!)
   

Social

• Attempt to maintain a decently balanced social life, especially during school.  (Perhaps doing at least one thing with someone each week?  Even if it's just a phone call due to busyness...)
• Continue to strengthen current relationships and strive to create new ones!
• Try to be more outgoing and trusting of others. 

The biggest goals I want to focus on this year deal with my physical and social health.  I need to eat better (learn to cook more!), and do more physical activity than I currently am.  I need to find a physical routine I can maintain (not only the activity, but also the time of day that will work best for me).  This is something I have struggled with for many years.  I think it's time I break the negative cycle and do something!  As for the social: This year, I have been so greatly blessed with AMAZING friends!  Many relationships have formed in 2011, and I am so blessed to have these marvelous people influencing my life!  They are truly inspirations to me, more so than I think they realize.  I hope this year I can continue to strengthen these newly formed bonds, and perhaps even make some new ones!  (Heck, perhaps I might even find a boyfriend! ^.~)

I feel 2012 will be a good year!  2011 has been rough (from being really sick, to everything that happened with Mom, to dropping out of school temporarily, to making new friends, and to getting a new calling in the Ward!).  It's been an incredible year--even with all the ups and downs, it has truly been a blessing... for every day we are here on this Earth is a blessing from above.  This is one of the major lessons I learned this last year.

I also learned how truly loving our Heavenly Father is of His children.  Even though many suffer pains in this life, there is often a lesson to be learned.  That lesson may not be for the one who is suffering, but rather for those on the outside.  Not only does our Heavenly Father often use others to teach us lessons and help us progress and grow, but He also sent His Son, Jesus Christ, who came and suffered for us so that we can one day return to Heavenly Father and live with Him again.  Through Christ's Atonement, we can repent of our sins and receive the peace of the Holy Spirit once again in our life.  Not only is the Atonement for repenting, but it also helps buffer (or shield) us from the pains of this life.

There is so much darkness and negativity in the world, but there is also much that is bright, beautiful and absolutely stunning.  If we but look to the light of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, we will see the brilliant things this world has to offer, and their brightness will diminish the darkness we will see.  The darkness is still there and it will return into our lives if we let it (if we turn out the light).  I plan to keep the light turned on so I can see the beautiful surroundings that make up my wonderful life.

For it truly is a wonderful life.

And 2012 is going to be a wonderful year!

Laziness & the Fair

I recently returned from a dog-sitting trip for my aunt.  She went out of town (back to the East Coast) and has two very large Golden Doodles which needed caring for.  Since I've tended for her before, obviously I was the first choice, and I wasn't about to complain!

It was a nice week and a half of laying around the house, playing video games (YAY Little Big Planet!) and watching movies.  I was able to do some cleaning (which helped take my mind off of things and stave off the boredom).

Arriving home yesterday, I had planned to crash and then today I would be productively doing chores and unpacking.  Ha!  That didn't happen.  I've wasted too many hours on the computer.  Last night I was up until 2 AM not even realizing it!!  And tonight... well, it's not quite midnight yet...

Either way, tomorrow will be a more productive day!  I need to DO something!  Not having much to do for two weeks really makes it difficult to get back into the rhythm of life.  Like today, I found myself easily bored--hence the reason I resorted to the computer to watch videos on YouTube.  Sure there are things that need to be done (like studying my lesson I need to teach in Church on Sunday, or the chores that need finishing), but I feel unmotivated to do them.  You know how when you're so inactive for so long that you lack any sort of drive to do anything?  Well, that's where I'm at.  That's why I need to hit the gym in the morning, or do something.  That will then give me the energy to come home and tackle some of my chores.

I would like to say, however, I have not spent all day on the computer.  Dad and I went over to our County Fair which is going on this weekend.  It's weird how it's never quite as fun as when you were a child.  The rides don't appear as "epic" or the colors and shops don't hold much appeal.  I did enjoy the 4-H items and the art displays!  We have some serious talent here!  I'm amazed at the talent children have in and about this world.  It's incredible!

I haven't been to the fair in 3 years.  And as we were wandering towards the animal shelters, I remember some of the reasons why.

First of all, the last two years have been really difficult on our family and therefore, we didn't have the time to even think about when the fair was, let alone actually attend it.

Second, in 2008 (the last time I would have gone) I went with some dear friends of mine and we had a blast!  However, those friendships have fallen apart and I rarely talk to "the guys" anymore, which makes me a bit sad.  Obviously, there's a series of events that occur when I walked into the fair tonight: I thought of my old friends, then I remember how each one simply fell apart/away, and then I recall the bad fight I had with one of them this last summer which caused our friendship to be nearly completely severed.  So, it's like a trail from good to awful.

On top of that, in 2005 I had been dating a boy and his family would raise rabbits that they would then attempt to sell at the fair.  He was there most of the day for the entire weekend.  I have distinct memories of going to the fair and seeing him and his mother by the barn doors with a small cage of rabbits on the floor.  Funny thing is, I haven't seen him since 2006.  But the thought of possibly running into him tonight sent ice into my stomach.  I know it's lame and I should simply grow up.  But the thoughts of seeing him again just give me chills.  Randomly, I ran into a picture of him on FaceBook a couple months ago... I nearly died when I saw his face.  Yes, he's changed and aged (more than he should have), but his face still remains the same... and my heart stopped.  It was like staring at the scariest person on the face of this Earth... and I had dated him.  *shiver*

I don't know why, after 5 years I can't control my emotions when it comes to the thoughts of him... or for any of my exes for that matter.  I have one friend who is an exception to that rule, but my first two boyfriends in particular are the ones I have the hardest time with.  (The one I spoke about above was my first boyfriend.)  Granted, the odds of me seeing either of those two guys is like 1 in 100,000.  No joke.  Cody, as far as I know, still lives in the valley (I assume).  Chris, on the other hand, is from 100 miles away and I doubt I'll ever see him again (despite his attempt to friend me on FaceBook--now that was a rough day).  It's weird, despite Cody living in this same valley, we have never once crossed paths... yet I've run into the girl he left me for several times.  Explain that!  In fact, the day she approached me (the first time I saw her since graduating and all the drama) she apologized to me about what she did nearly 3 years previous.  I remember standing in the store thinking it was all a dream and that I couldn't possibly be awake and talking to her.  But, it was indeed real.

Then, my dad ran into Cody in a store.  At first, he didn't recognize the boy.  But as soon as it hit, my dad was ready to kill him.  I suppose that was a good thing, I haven't really decided yet.  That was about a year ago.  But I have yet to see him.  The only thing I've seen of him was his profile picture on FaceBook--which was enough to scare me to death!

I've decided that if I ever do see him again, and he sees me, I'll simply act like an "old friend" and ask what he's up to in life (partly to be polite and partly because I'm a masochist and want to know).  Can you blame me?  The last I heard (3 years ago) was that he was living with a crazy girlfriend who threatened to kill him if he ever left her (and she meant it too!)... then again, I don't know if I could trust those words, looking back on it now... This only adds to the curiosity!

I'm sorry, looking me, rambling on about exes and memories... Oh boy... I really need to go to bed.  Perhaps I shall read some Harry Potter and the world will be a much brighter place!! ^-^

Finding Joy In the Moment

Sometimes, life can seem overwhelming, even crushing.  At others, it is light and fluffy like a feather.

Right now, there is a boulder the size of a mountain sitting on my back (or at least, that's how it feels).  A lot is going on with family (mainly Mom) and the last two months--has it only been that long?--have really been difficult.  I will not bore you with details, but take my word for it: It's been rough.  A lot of trips to the hospital and a rehab center, then there's all the worrying.

But the last two months I have also learned a TREMENDOUS amount.  I feel I have grown so much from this experience, as hard as it may be, and I am truly grateful for it; for I would not have learned this things had I not gone through this experience.  My view of life has changed so drastically, and I find myself trying to find joy in the moment.

A simple smile, a loving hug, talking with family, curling up in bed with a mug of hot chocolate... All the simple things.  I feel I have previously taken advantage of the simple things and am only now seeing their value.

Being able to take a walk,  to eat (and feed myself), and still live a healthy lifestyle (even though I'm currently not!)  But this experience has changed my mood about taking care of one's self physically!!  Needless to say, I will be setting up an exercise routine starting very soon.

Speaking of which, WHEN IS THE BEST TIME TO EXERCISE FOR YOU?! I'm trying to decide when to exercise.  I'm not much of an early morning person, but I'm thinking morning may be the best time to do so.  Mainly because "life" happens during the day, and I don't want my exercise schedule to get in the way of my social life; in other words, I don't want to miss my exercises that day because I chose to hang out with friends.  That to me doesn't sound like a fair trade (and it shouldn't even be a trade to begin with!).  Exercising late at night does not appeal to me because I enjoy winding down and doing my own things before bed.

So... does this mean I'll need to start waking up at 5:30 in the morning?

The other dilemma I face is waking up that early to go down on a bike and petal my legs off does NOT sound like a good reason for me to get up in the morning!  Now... if I had a treadmill, I might be more motivated.  Two problems with that: No money and no space.  *sigh*

I just need to get my butt in gear and clean a part of the basement out.  Then I can save and buy a treadmill (I can save while I'm cleaning, seeing as it will probably take long enough for me to save the money) and then I'll have the space to turn the junk room into an exercise room!  I'll be adding "clean the basement" to my projects this summer!

Anyway, I drifted off topic.  Basically, I'm trying to find JOY IN THE MOMENTS I have with my family and life right now.  Now, don't let the above paragraphs make you think I'm not finding joy because I'm wanting a treadmill to exercise with.  Hardly!  If anything, I become more motivated and have a desire to work harder so I can earn that treadmill and have a nice place to put it!

Another aspect that we (Dad and I) have really found joy is at home with each other and our cat Squeaky!  She's such a great little companion, especially for me!!  She has the sweetest little spirit about her and is always seeking for ways to comfort us.  For instance, I was laying on my bed, waiting for Dad to get off the phone, and I happened to give a sigh.  Squeaky, who had been laying on my floor, flipped her head my direction, fully alert and wanting to make sure I was okay.  She later jumped up onto my bed and came up next to my face, giving me a kiss on my forehead!  She does this quite often and always is watchful of us.  She's such a sweet blessing to our life!  Animals are WONDERFUL and add such a spirit of peace and enjoyment to life!  Squeaky has done several things that have made Dad and I laugh so hard!  And they are very appreciated!

In fact, after this trial of life is over, we're really thinking of getting Dad a dog (Golden Retriever).  He works so many hours outside, especially during the summer, that it would be really nice to have a companion by his side as he does that.  Several years ago, we had a Golden Retriever wind up on our doorstep (quite literally!).  The poor dog had been scared by the fireworks and jumped his fence.  His name as Dax and he was so incredibly friendly!  For a few days, he stayed at our house.  Dad would work outside in the flowerbeds and Dax would be lying right by his side.  I would catch Dad talking to him occasionally and this memory is what sparked the idea of getting a dog.  Dax was so well trained--but the owners later said he had no training, it was just the characteristics of the breed--and he was such a sweet companion!  So, we may be looking into doing that in the years to come (it will be at least two years before we start to really consider this).

Anyway, what I'm really trying to say is that even during times of trial and strife, we can always find joy in the moment!!  There is so much in this life we can be grateful for, and when we are grateful, we will find life to be more pleasant and we will be happier as a result!