Showing posts with label exes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exes. Show all posts

Thursday, November 27, 2014

~ * ~ 65 Random Things About Myself ~ * ~

I've seen this done on other blogs and I find them very interesting (it helps me realize I'm not as weird as I sometimes think).  Who knows!  Maybe I'll have something in common with you!

1. I started my first job at the age of 18 and have stayed with the company for the last 8 years.  (Talk about commitment!)
2.  I love to break the register at work (make it display funny error messages) and find out problems with the coding.
3.  I absolutely love the Asian culture (obviously), but I don't know exactly why or what started it.  [See #23]
4. My favorite type of food is sushi.  [See #32]


5.  I'm rather fond of things that are different/unique.
6.  I'm not a huge fan of cooking, but I believe that it's simply a mental obstacle and once I start cooking (or befriend someone who loves to do it) I will enjoy it much more.  [See #18]
7.  My favorite animal is a tiger.
8.  My bedroom could also be classified as a library because of how many books I own (and not having access to a library card doesn't help the decreasing bookshelf space).
9.  Up until recently, I had never flown on a plane.  It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.*

*This picture may not reflect opinion stated above.
10.  I created my own daily planner using Excel and a mini binder.  I absolutely love it.
11.  I haven't listened to English music in over 8 months.
12.  My favorite music group is Super Junior, where my favorite song writer is David Hodges (though they are in no way related).
13.  In high school, I went through a "goth" faze, but never got around to dying my hair black.
14.  Now (ten years later) I can't seem to get enough bright colors in my life!
15.  I absolutely adore my co-workers and the people that I serve.
16.  I can easily spend hours on YouTube watching vloggers.


17.  My favorite holiday is Christmas as the Spirit is amazing, (and I'm not referring to the materialistic spirit).
18.  My mother suffered from a degenerative disease called Rheumatoid Arthritis for most of my life, and doing simple daily tasks were very painful and challenging.  [See #6]
19.  I am the "President" of a creative writing group with nearly a dozen of my friends, and I love being with them!
20.  My favorite thing to do with friends is go out to eat, window shop, or simply watch funny videos/movies with them.
21.  My favorite movie genre would be technically classified as "Family" or "Children" as I LOVE the animated movies such as Rise of the Guardians, Kung Fu Panda, Madagascar, Megamind for their stories and morals that are taught.
22.  I'm definitely a story-kind of girl.  If the plotline doesn't make sense or isn't interesting (mindless action scenes, etc.), I won't enjoy it.
23. When I was a child, my best friend growing up was from Cambodia.  [Possible reason for #3?]
24.  I am normally very suspicious of people due to my trust being broken in the past.  However I am working on improving this.
25.  I am an only child and wish I had siblings.
26.  Some of my favorite vloggers on YouTube to watch are: Dodger Leigh, Random Panser, Marikplier, and Mary Doodles.  [*Not all content on their channels I approve of, however I do love their vlogs when they simply talk about their daily life]
27.  My birthday is in February and lies on the border with the horoscope calendar, so I have mixed qualities of both Aquarius and Pisces (if you believe in horoscopes).
28.  My mother passed away April 22, 2011 and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her.
29.  I love fruit, especially during the wintertime.
30.  I have only experienced two "Snow Days" in my entire life, though I have lived in the state with the "greatest snow on earth" my entire life.
31.  My dad and I are really close and have similar personalities (you've been warned).
32.  I love breakfast meals (pancakes, waffles, eggos, bacon, sausage, hash browns, etc.).  It's probably my second favorite food.  [See #4]
33.  I have over 19 hours of kpop music on my iPod and I love every minute of it.

[Image Source]
34.  I wish I had a great sense of style and accessorizing like other girls with short hair, but I don't. [See #54]
35.  I don't even have my ears pierced!
36.  Thanks to my first boyfriend, I'm no longer afraid to be my true self.
37.  Overall I am a generally happy person.  I will act happy even when I'm not, but once you get to know me, you'll be able to tell when I'm having a hard time.
38.  My favorite New Testament story is the story of a man named Legion and how Christ heals him.  For some reason that story has stood out to me for years.
39.  My favorite Book of Mormon story is Alma the Younger's life story.
40.  I love looking for symbolism in life.
41.  I can't wait to go through the temple [See #40].  But I don't have plans to receive my endowment as I would really like to go through the temple my first time with my future husband.  I am temple worthy and hold a baptismal recommend however.
42.  My dream is to someday do an Asian tour and visit all the countries.
43.  I plan to meet someone "famous" in my life.
44.  My guilty pleasure is YouTube, Netflix, and DramaFever.  They will be my downfall.
45.  I love to set weekly goals and strive to accomplish them.
46.  I love video editing (mainly making movie trailers) but after killing my third computer, I stopped.
47.   I miss the days when life was simpler and my greatest concern was whether it was going to be sunny enough to play Power Rangers outside or not.
48.  I am not a big video game person, but I do have friends who are (and I obviously follow YouTubers who are HUGE gamers, but I myself am not one).  [See #26]
49.  I haven't had a serious boyfriend in years (mainly because I told the Lord what I wanted and He was kind enough to bless me with it... though now I'm not so sure I can wait for the blessing).
50.  I am on an adventure called Life and I love every moment.


51.  I would not change anything in my past, for by doing so, I would change the person I am today and I don't want that.
52.  I'm far from perfect, and I hope my future husband has some flaws or I'm going to feel extremely inferior.
53.  As a child, I was never into "girly" things.  In fact, when McDonald's would have the different toys for girls and boys (barbies for girls, Hotwheel's cars for boys) I would cry if I ended up with a barbie because I wanted the car.  Yeah, I was THAT child.  But look at how well rounded I turned out! :)
54.  My entire wardrobe could do with a makeover [See #34].
55.  I can't speak another language, but if I could, it would be Korean.  But I am trying!
56.  I do not have a single scar and I have never broken a bone.  (as of yet)
57.  I graduated with a degree in Family, Consumer, and Human Development, with an emphasis on Community Services.  Basically, I want to work with helping families have a better life.
58.  I originally wanted to major in Psychology, but I hated the medical diagnosis side and loved the application side.  [Hence #57]
59.  I took art all 4 years in high school, but I don't consider myself an artist in the least.
60.  I enjoy writing and coming up with stories.  It's the organizing different scenes into a coherent storyline that I struggle with.
61.  When I was little, I used to eat chapstick; specifically the strawberry flavored kind (Smackers brand).
62.  I didn't like raspberries until after high school because of the "little hairs" but yet I love to each peaches with the skin on (fuzz and all!).  (Side note: I did wash the peach first.)
63.  I'm a total geek at heart. <3
64.  I enjoy playing European table top games ("Euro Games").  My favorites include Dominion, Carcassonne, and Tsuro.  I even wanted to start a weekly game night with friends!
65.  I would LOVE to adopt Asian children once I'm married.  They're ADORABLE!!


I'm going to stop it here.  If you want to get to know me better, feel free to contact me. :)

Friday, December 28, 2012

Trouble

Light does not always erase the shadows we carry...

I came across this song on YouTube today and within the first minute of the video, I knew it was going to be amazing... and almost nostalgic for me.  This song (and video) perfectly describe my Junior to Senior years of High School.  The shots in this video remind me so much of things he used to do (even picking fights and being cocky, but not necessarily rude/mean).  When I first saw him in the hallway laughing with his friends, I "knew he was trouble" but didn't seem to care.  Like Taylor states, "I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen."  And by "this" I mean cheating on me with another girl and leaving me in the dust.

As I look back, it wasn't necessarily a happy or joyful time in my life, but I can't describe the rush that came from being with him (he was my first love, after all).  He was everything I thought I wanted, showing me a different side of life that I had never seen, opening my eyes to the world...

"Crazy thing is, I don't know if I'm ever going to feel that way again...
...But I don't know if I should."

And I have never felt the same way towards anyone else since that experience.  It was such a "high" that nothing since then has ever compared...

The way of life we experienced together was like a drug.  And he was toxic to me, poisoning the deepest parts of my soul...

"And the saddest fear comes creeping in...
That you never loved me...
Or her...
Or anyone...
Or anything..."

For years I have struggled to climb out of the abyss he left me in.  I finally reached the top and could see the light once more...

But light does not always erase the shadows we carry...

Until we learn to face the sun and take a step forward.

Words cannot adequately describe the feelings I have gone through watching this video, nor the perfectionism of how it mirrored my life (aside from the crazy partying going on).  The lyrics speak truth to me on a different level... a level only David Hodges has ever been able to reach.

Many of the people I have met in the last 5 years do not know this "past life" of mine.  Many would never even guess at it.  I think that's a good thing!  It goes to show how much I have changed and turned my life around!  (FYI: No I was not doing drugs.  I thought I should clarify because I knew you were thinking this.)  But there was really no need for that kind of stuff when the guy you were with made you high on life.  Even now, the memories of that time are literally only flashes; glimpses of moments, creating a collage of an experience.  Many of those moments had such powerful emotions tied to them that they have left a deep scar on my heart.  The pain has gone away but the scar remains, growing smaller and smaller every year.

Eventually it will disappear...

Until then, I will try to forget it despite the pricks I feel from time to time.

"I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him...
...It was losing me."

Your first love will always remain with you, (as do the majority of your previous significant relationships).  What brings me hope is knowing that eventually a man will come into my life who will create those same "high" feelings as my ex did, only with in a positive way.  He will be soooo much more than my first boyfriend ever was or ever could be...

And I will be with this amazing new man for the rest of my life. <3



"I Knew You Were Trouble"
Taylor Swift

I think...
I think when it's all over it just comes back in flashes, you know?
It's like a kaleidoscope of memories...
But it just all comes back.
...But he never does.

I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen.
It's not really anything he said...
Or anything he did...
It was the feeling that came along with it.

And...

Crazy thing is, I don't know if I'm ever going to feel that way again...
...But I don't know if I should.

I knew his world moved too fast,
And burned too bright.
But I just thought...

How can the devil be pulling you towards someone who looks...
So much like an angel when he smiles at you?

Maybe he knew that...
When he saw me...

I guess I just lost my balance.

I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him...

...It was losing me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, you got me alone
You found me
You found me
You found me

I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard, you took a step back
Without me
Without me
Without me

And he's long gone when he's next to me
And I realize the blame is on me

'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
[You] Flew me to places I've never been
'Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
[You] Flew me to places I've never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh
Trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh
Trouble, trouble, trouble

No apologies, he'll never see you cry
Pretends he doesn't know, that he's the reason why
You're drowning
You're drowning
You're drowning

Now I heard you moved on from whispers on the street
A new notch in your belt is all I'll ever be
And now I see
Now I see
Now I see

He was long gone when he met me
And I realize the joke is on me, hey

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
[You] Flew me to places I've never been
'Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
[You] Flew me to places I've never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh
Trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh
Trouble, trouble, trouble

And the saddest fear comes creeping in...
That you never loved me...
Or her...
Or anyone...
Or anything...
Yeah!

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
[You] Flew me to places I've never been
'Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
[You] Flew me to places I've never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh
Trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh
Trouble, trouble, trouble

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


To this day, I have yet to run into Cody, though we still live in the same valley.  I keep thinking we are going to cross paths one day.

I hope when that time comes, I will be able to look him in the eyes and tell him I am happy and doing well.

A small part of me also hopes he can respond the same...

Friday, August 12, 2011

Laziness & the Fair

I recently returned from a dog-sitting trip for my aunt.  She went out of town (back to the East Coast) and has two very large Golden Doodles which needed caring for.  Since I've tended for her before, obviously I was the first choice, and I wasn't about to complain!

It was a nice week and a half of laying around the house, playing video games (YAY Little Big Planet!) and watching movies.  I was able to do some cleaning (which helped take my mind off of things and stave off the boredom).

Arriving home yesterday, I had planned to crash and then today I would be productively doing chores and unpacking.  Ha!  That didn't happen.  I've wasted too many hours on the computer.  Last night I was up until 2 AM not even realizing it!!  And tonight... well, it's not quite midnight yet...

Either way, tomorrow will be a more productive day!  I need to DO something!  Not having much to do for two weeks really makes it difficult to get back into the rhythm of life.  Like today, I found myself easily bored--hence the reason I resorted to the computer to watch videos on YouTube.  Sure there are things that need to be done (like studying my lesson I need to teach in Church on Sunday, or the chores that need finishing), but I feel unmotivated to do them.  You know how when you're so inactive for so long that you lack any sort of drive to do anything?  Well, that's where I'm at.  That's why I need to hit the gym in the morning, or do something.  That will then give me the energy to come home and tackle some of my chores.

I would like to say, however, I have not spent all day on the computer.  Dad and I went over to our County Fair which is going on this weekend.  It's weird how it's never quite as fun as when you were a child.  The rides don't appear as "epic" or the colors and shops don't hold much appeal.  I did enjoy the 4-H items and the art displays!  We have some serious talent here!  I'm amazed at the talent children have in and about this world.  It's incredible!

I haven't been to the fair in 3 years.  And as we were wandering towards the animal shelters, I remember some of the reasons why.

First of all, the last two years have been really difficult on our family and therefore, we didn't have the time to even think about when the fair was, let alone actually attend it.

Second, in 2008 (the last time I would have gone) I went with some dear friends of mine and we had a blast!  However, those friendships have fallen apart and I rarely talk to "the guys" anymore, which makes me a bit sad.  Obviously, there's a series of events that occur when I walked into the fair tonight: I thought of my old friends, then I remember how each one simply fell apart/away, and then I recall the bad fight I had with one of them this last summer which caused our friendship to be nearly completely severed.  So, it's like a trail from good to awful.

On top of that, in 2005 I had been dating a boy and his family would raise rabbits that they would then attempt to sell at the fair.  He was there most of the day for the entire weekend.  I have distinct memories of going to the fair and seeing him and his mother by the barn doors with a small cage of rabbits on the floor.  Funny thing is, I haven't seen him since 2006.  But the thought of possibly running into him tonight sent ice into my stomach.  I know it's lame and I should simply grow up.  But the thoughts of seeing him again just give me chills.  Randomly, I ran into a picture of him on FaceBook a couple months ago... I nearly died when I saw his face.  Yes, he's changed and aged (more than he should have), but his face still remains the same... and my heart stopped.  It was like staring at the scariest person on the face of this Earth... and I had dated him.  *shiver*

I don't know why, after 5 years I can't control my emotions when it comes to the thoughts of him... or for any of my exes for that matter.  I have one friend who is an exception to that rule, but my first two boyfriends in particular are the ones I have the hardest time with.  (The one I spoke about above was my first boyfriend.)  Granted, the odds of me seeing either of those two guys is like 1 in 100,000.  No joke.  Cody, as far as I know, still lives in the valley (I assume).  Chris, on the other hand, is from 100 miles away and I doubt I'll ever see him again (despite his attempt to friend me on FaceBook--now that was a rough day).  It's weird, despite Cody living in this same valley, we have never once crossed paths... yet I've run into the girl he left me for several times.  Explain that!  In fact, the day she approached me (the first time I saw her since graduating and all the drama) she apologized to me about what she did nearly 3 years previous.  I remember standing in the store thinking it was all a dream and that I couldn't possibly be awake and talking to her.  But, it was indeed real.

Then, my dad ran into Cody in a store.  At first, he didn't recognize the boy.  But as soon as it hit, my dad was ready to kill him.  I suppose that was a good thing, I haven't really decided yet.  That was about a year ago.  But I have yet to see him.  The only thing I've seen of him was his profile picture on FaceBook--which was enough to scare me to death!

I've decided that if I ever do see him again, and he sees me, I'll simply act like an "old friend" and ask what he's up to in life (partly to be polite and partly because I'm a masochist and want to know).  Can you blame me?  The last I heard (3 years ago) was that he was living with a crazy girlfriend who threatened to kill him if he ever left her (and she meant it too!)... then again, I don't know if I could trust those words, looking back on it now... This only adds to the curiosity!

I'm sorry, looking me, rambling on about exes and memories... Oh boy... I really need to go to bed.  Perhaps I shall read some Harry Potter and the world will be a much brighter place!! ^-^