Here We Go 2012! Ready Or Not!

My New Year Resolutions for 2012:

Physical

•  Start an exercise routine that works for me and stick with it!
• Learn to incorporate "healthy food" into my everyday diet.
• Get plenty of rest!  (Meaning: No all nighters!)

Mental

• Study hard in school, even when I might desire to do other things.
• Keep reading books--even if it's only on Sundays because of homework during the week.  It's important to keep reading!
• Read the books on my yearly book list! 
• Write Book #1 of my book series: The Destroyer Series.

Spiritual

• Strive to draw closer to my Savior through my actions and deeds each and everyday.
• Take opportunities to serve others whenever they present themselves.
• Continue reading everyday in the scriptures.
• Start thoroughly studying the New Testament.
• Study the Sunday School lesson a week in advance (I'm all for being prepared, and this is a habit I wanted to establish earlier this year... Sadly it has yet to develop, so I am making it a resolution for 2012!)
   

Social

• Attempt to maintain a decently balanced social life, especially during school.  (Perhaps doing at least one thing with someone each week?  Even if it's just a phone call due to busyness...)
• Continue to strengthen current relationships and strive to create new ones!
• Try to be more outgoing and trusting of others. 

The biggest goals I want to focus on this year deal with my physical and social health.  I need to eat better (learn to cook more!), and do more physical activity than I currently am.  I need to find a physical routine I can maintain (not only the activity, but also the time of day that will work best for me).  This is something I have struggled with for many years.  I think it's time I break the negative cycle and do something!  As for the social: This year, I have been so greatly blessed with AMAZING friends!  Many relationships have formed in 2011, and I am so blessed to have these marvelous people influencing my life!  They are truly inspirations to me, more so than I think they realize.  I hope this year I can continue to strengthen these newly formed bonds, and perhaps even make some new ones!  (Heck, perhaps I might even find a boyfriend! ^.~)

I feel 2012 will be a good year!  2011 has been rough (from being really sick, to everything that happened with Mom, to dropping out of school temporarily, to making new friends, and to getting a new calling in the Ward!).  It's been an incredible year--even with all the ups and downs, it has truly been a blessing... for every day we are here on this Earth is a blessing from above.  This is one of the major lessons I learned this last year.

I also learned how truly loving our Heavenly Father is of His children.  Even though many suffer pains in this life, there is often a lesson to be learned.  That lesson may not be for the one who is suffering, but rather for those on the outside.  Not only does our Heavenly Father often use others to teach us lessons and help us progress and grow, but He also sent His Son, Jesus Christ, who came and suffered for us so that we can one day return to Heavenly Father and live with Him again.  Through Christ's Atonement, we can repent of our sins and receive the peace of the Holy Spirit once again in our life.  Not only is the Atonement for repenting, but it also helps buffer (or shield) us from the pains of this life.

There is so much darkness and negativity in the world, but there is also much that is bright, beautiful and absolutely stunning.  If we but look to the light of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, we will see the brilliant things this world has to offer, and their brightness will diminish the darkness we will see.  The darkness is still there and it will return into our lives if we let it (if we turn out the light).  I plan to keep the light turned on so I can see the beautiful surroundings that make up my wonderful life.

For it truly is a wonderful life.

And 2012 is going to be a wonderful year!

True Meaning of Christmas

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve...

And I needed to run to town to grab some last minute Christmas gifts (don't we all have those?) as well as some food to bake tomorrow!

While at the grocery store, I went down an isle and noticed a woman in a one of the energized shopping carts that you can drive.  She stopped and was looking at something, so I went to walk passed her and she said, "Would you be willing to grab me two of [those items] off the top shelf?"

I replied, "Yes, of course!"

I confirmed with her what she wanted.  Pulling the two jars off the top shelf, I gave them gently to her--which she proceeded to put into her very full basket--and wished her a Merry Christmas (which I actually have not said to many people this holiday season, and it feel as though something is seriously missing...).

But a tremendous feeling of happiness filled my heart immediately after the woman started on her way down the isle.  She had asked for service, and I had willing given without even a second though.  It was something very small and required very little sacrifice on my part, and yet I know she was grateful for the help and I was left feeling the true meaning of Christmas.

Also, my heart ached at seeing her.  She was alone (no one was helping her shop) and she was disabled to an extent (at least enough to not walk around the store).

Seeing her alone wasn't what melted my heart though...

Helping her get something off the shelf reminded me of my mother.  When my mom would go to town--and take me with--she would have to use one of the energized carts and I would often help her by pulling items off the shelf and putting them in the basket.

As I helped this complete stranger, I was reminded of the times I was with my mom...  And how I didn't appreciate them while they lasted.  I would often get frustrated and going shopping was not easy, nor did I look forward to it.  But as I look back now, I can't help but appreciate them for what they were.  They were times where I spent time with my mom, and I cherish those memories, even though some of them are not as pleasant as others.

And as I was putting the groceries into the trunk, I couldn't help but feel as though my mom appreciated me helping that woman today.  She had taught me the value of serving others, especially when I learned so much about serving her.

Because we as a family went through such a trial with my mother and the progressive deterioration of her body, I have tremendous compassion for those who have suffered--or do suffer--from a serious illness, or even if they are simply disabled physically in some way.  I do not know what was physically incapacitating this woman I helped today, but my heart sure reached out to her.  She was very nice and seemed like a very sweet lady (around middle age).  And wishing her a Merry Christmas just made me feel even warmer inside.  I hope she felt the same.

I hope in the hustle and bustle of this holiday season we don't forget the real reason for this holiday.  It is not about the gifts, the packages, the food, the lights... Yes all those things add to the Christmas season... but they are not Christmas.

Christmas is a time to be close to family, and enjoy each other's company, creating memories.  It's about loving those around you, and letting them know that you do by serving them.  It's about having great compassion for those who are suffering, alone, or are in need at this time.

But most of all, it's about celebrating the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ, and trying to live as He lived: comforting those in need of comfort, and being a companion to those in need of companionship, and loving everyone unconditionally.

I hope we all remember that this Christmas Season... and do a bit of service for someone who is in need of it.

Even if it's as simple as pulling something off a shelf for someone at the grocery store! =)

Merry Christmas everyone!

The Reality of the Atonement

Today was an interesting day.

First of all, I have missed the last two weeks of church due to different types of illnesses going around at work.  So today is special (in and of itself) because I was able to go to church.  But that is not the only reason.

During one of our meetings, I had one of those "zoning out" experiences; not the kind of experience where you are bored so your mind daydreams.  No, this was more of my mind wandering as I was thinking about a friend and worrying about him.

Now, I'm sure you have seen friends or family "fall off the path" in life (whether you are a Latter-Day Saint or not, I am sure you've experienced something like this).  Well we were talking about this in church, and the teacher commented about how sad it is that those who fall away and don't return for a while, feel as though they can never come back or don't belong.  This got me to thinking...

Yes, it is very sad that people feel this way.  It breaks my heart, actually.  However, there is hope.  People can come back.  And they can feel welcomed and as though they belong, if they let Jesus Christ help them.

I'm going to share something with you.  A secret I haven't told many (especially those I have met more recently).

I fell away from the church back in high school.  I went "off the path" and was inactive for close to two years before I finally started trying to correct my mistakes and get back to the light.  For a while after I started coming to church again, I felt as though I didn't belong and that everyone was judging me.  However, I have since learned that this was a false assumption, because most were actually happy to see me (and were truly not judging).  As the years have progressed, so have the people.  There are now only a few--which I can name on one hand--who are still in my church ward who went to my high school and witnessed my downfall.  And with all time, people change and move forward.

Coming back to the light has been a long, hard journey... but so very, very worth it.  Worth all the tears that were shed, all the pain that I felt, and especially all the awkward social moments... It was all worth it.  I cannot describe to you how grateful I am that I let Christ's Atonement work through me and change me into the person I am today.  I would not be this person if not for Him.

I am living proof of Christ's Atonement, and that it is real and that it does work.

My life turned around a full 180 degrees from where it was when I was 17/18.  And I am so grateful to Him for it.

If I can use Christ's Atonement to change from who I was to who I am now, so can you!  And don't think that you don't "deserve" it, because He has already suffered for you.  He has already paid the ultimate price for your sins.  So whether you choose to partake of it or not, He has still felt the pain and paid the price.  He is simply waiting for you, with His arms open, to come back to Him.  That is all He wants.  That is all He is asking for.

And if I can turn my life around, so can you!

I know that because I chose to come back to Him, my life has been blessed in more ways than I can even begin to imagine!  And by remaining faithful, He will bless my life even more.  I know that the reason my social life has exploded this year is because of Him and the blessing He bestowed upon me for remaining faithful this last Spring with the passing of my mother.  I have no doubt in my mind that this is the case.  Had I not remained righteous (and drifted from the path), I would not know the people I do today.

And I am so very grateful for the people I do know (and especially those I have met since the Spring).  They are true inspirations to me.  I can never thank them enough for what they have done and how they have enriched and strengthened my life.

But most of all, I could never thank my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for the love which they have for me.  I know I certainly do not deserve their unconditional love, but I am sure grateful for it.  It means the world for me, and nothing in the world can take that faith from me.  (As long as I remain on the right path as I go through life, that is.)

And you also can feel that love.

The Atonement is also much more than "white out" in our book of life (whether the mistakes were big or small).  I have come to understand that the Atonement is also a protective barrier against the pains in this world.  It shields and buffers us from the emotional pain we can be exposed to in this life.  A good example of this is when my mother was in the process of passing away.  People would tell my dad and I how we were "dealing with this so well" or "you look really good considering everything."  But, what those people were witnessing was not some strength that came from within us... it was Christ's Atonement working to build us up and keep us going.  His Atonement is what helped us through the funeral planning process and the grieving.  I have no doubt the Atonement helped buffer my dad and I from the reality shock of what was happening.  And the Atonement can do the same for you in your life, whatever your challenges may be that you are facing (because I know you are facing some incredibly difficult challenges in your life).

I invite you to come unto Christ, come into His loving embrace, and let Him help you.  For He is the God of Miracles and can literally help you change your life.

Astrology, Zodiac, Horoscope?

Astrology signs... Zodiac signs...  Horoscope signs...

Is there really any point to all the madness?  Is there any truth behind it?

In the past, I have often brushed this sort of thing aside.  I like the concept of the fact that I am in control of my own life and its destiny, which is not controlled by the skies or what time of year I was born.

However...

(You were just waiting for that "however" weren't you?)

However, while having fun doing a bit of research, I found it very interesting that the signs of friends I looked up--and especially our compatibility--were almost dead on.  No joke.

This is a very fun site that I found where you select two Astrological signs (Scorpio, Aquarius, etc.) and the site compares the two of them with regards to a romantic relationship.

http://shine.yahoo.com/astrology/compatibility/love/

Because I fall right on the border of two signs, I actually have traits from both.  I took several of my current and not-so-current friends (some not necessarily romantic, but with the concept of us "working together") and I would compare them with BOTH of my signs.  I tested at least 10 different signs and each result spoke volumes of truth about our relationship/friendship/etc.

If you are not sure of your sign, visit this amazing site known as Wikipedia; for there is a wonderful table about two-thirds of the way down the page that lists all the signs and dates.  I went off the "Tropical" Zodiac dates, because those are the ones I am familiar with and have seen as the "standard" in books, newspapers, and other articles over the years.  (Granted, there was/is a big "blow-up" about the Earth spinning differently on its axis and so the dates have now (or will soon) change.  I don't think that applies to anyone born before the year 2000, or something like that.  I honestly don't buy into the whole the-dates-are-wrong concept.  But feel free to Google it if you want to know more.)

Anyway, I am not a hard-core believer in this sort of thing, but I simply found it interesting that it would be so very accurate about so many people and relationships in my life.  It's almost a little freaky...

Then you mix in the Chinese Zodiac signs (aka: Animals).

Wow.  Talk about an overload!

I found this site that gives more than just your Rat, Ox, and Dog profiles.  (Use only the left-hand column regarding the Zodiacs.  This site has ads that appear to be part of the site, but will take you away from the site, just so you know!)  There are actually elements within the profiles!  Did you know that there is a difference between an Earth Dragon and a Water Dragon?  I didn't even know there were elements!  However, I found the main characteristics of the Zodiac are the same with some slight fluctuations in the different elements.  The only downside to this site is that there isn't a nice clean table with all the years.  I knew which Zodiac I was, so I just counted backwards or forwards down the list to find friends' Zodiacs.  The years are listed, but only within the Zodiac profile itself, and under each element.  So some scanning is needed.

One thing I liked about this site is it provides possible career choices, health lifestyle, etc., and also briefly mentions compatibility (not like the Astrology Yahoo! site).  All this site simply states is what you're compatible with and which of the Zodiac's to avoid.

Now, I am sure there are better sites out there that talk about Zodiac signs and Horoscopes.  If you happen to know of any really good ones, please feel free to comment with the link and I would love to check them out!

I may not be fully converted, but I'm certainly starting to believe... ^-^

Changing Lives

Some people enter our life and quickly leave... others stay awhile and keep us company.

To quote one of my favorite fictional characters, "It's not the time that matters, it's the person." [The Doctor from BBC's Doctor Who TV series]

I like you have had known many people through-out my life.  Some have great impact than others, but I have learned something from each of them.  All my friends and loved ones hold a special place in my heart.  Many of them have drifted away from me as our lives have taken different courses.  Many more have I met this very year that have blessed my life tremendously.

I would like to share with you some of the things I have learned from people in my life, in hopes that it might make you ponder about how others have affected your own life.

(**Note: I attempted to do the names in order of when I met you/when you influenced my life the most).

Mom
You taught me many things when I was young.  How to do chores, how to count money, how to write... But your example of dedication to the Gospel is what I will always remember.  And more importantly, the love you had--and continue to have--for me.  Even though you are no longer here with me in this life, your example of strength and endurance, even during the most difficult of days, will forever be in my heart.  I love you, Mom.  I miss you.

Dad
You have been my best friend since I was a child.  And it's true even to this day.  One of the greatest things you have ever taught me (aside from Gospel truths) is the importance of laughter.  My world would not turn without laughter.  Laughter every day is essential for happiness in this life.  Laughter truly is the very best medicine.  You have also taught me the importance of talking and how that is the means by which I best express myself and work through problems.  I will forever be your little girl. =)

Kanika E.
Growing up we had the best of times and we had the worst of times.  I hold fond memories of our times in the Playroom, playing House or whatever other game we desired that afternoon.  I remember the sleep-overs we shared, and watching Nick-at-Nite.  Not to mention Mario Brothers!  But, when I think back to that time, you know what I am reminded of the most?  Over these years I am still amazed that you have continued to reach out and contact me.  You continuing striving to keep us together.  You have taught me the value of friendship, and that even years later, you can still be friends.

Katie S.
(aka Rabbs)
Since that fateful day we met in 4th grade, I have continued to marvel at your personality.  You tell the brutal truth, even when one does not want to hear it.  We had been friends for years and the first fight we ever got into... was over a boy.  A boy you did not want me to date.  I should have listened.  I should have trusted you more than I did him.  Because, you were right.  You were always right.  And to this day, I think back on that and I realize that you have taught me that real friends speak the truth when they care about someone, even if they don't want to hear it.  If it will help them be a better person, then it couldn't hurt to try, right?  Thank you, and I miss hanging out with you!

Cody H.
Despite everything you did to me, and how I let you control my life, I am grateful for the experience.  I know that may seem hard to understand, but I truly am.  I learned so much in the year we dated.  What I learned from you is to not let others determine my worth.  Up until dating you, I was conscious of how I appeared to others.  Even after meeting you, I changed my "image" for the group.  But since everything happened, the greatest thing you taught me was to simply be true to myself.  And I intend to be.

Chris H.
You were there for me during a time when I felt like no one else was.  You understood what I was going through.  You were always there to cheer me up and make me laugh.  You reiterated what I already knew to be true: The importance of laughter in my life.  For a while, I honestly thought we would get married some day.  But, I know you found a beautiful woman and the cute daughter you now have must mean the world to you.  I am sure you are a wonderful dad.

Colby C.
You were always there to make me laugh and bring a bit of sunshine into my life!  With your crazy personality (mixed with Garrick's) I never left Art class feeling down.  Your amazing talent in drawing continues to blow my mind away.  I can't fathom having the skill you do.  I know we had a big misunderstanding a little more than a year ago.  I feel so bad about that.  To this day, I am learning things about that experience (things I did, things I said) that I shouldn't have.  I truly regret what happened.  But, even though that experience rocked both our worlds, I have learned something amazing.  Through that experience, the Spirit has taught me the power of forgiveness and how important it is to forgive one another, especially ourselves.  I can't adequately describe here exactly what I have learned, but let's just say, it has changed my life.  Thank you for your friendship over the years, and your artistic talent that you are showing to the world!  You're a great guy, Colby.  And always will be.

Josh F.
Oh, Josh.  I don't know what to say.  You have been a great friend to me over the years, and it's been great being able to listen to your music!  You are a very talented musician and a gifted writer!  But, more importantly, you are a true friend.  Even after I hurt you (on a scale so deep I can only imagine) you still let me in.  Thank you, Josh.  Thank you for forgiving me.  Thank you for getting to know me again!  You have taught me the value of music and how important it is in our life.  Keep playing guitar, Josh.  No matter what others may say.  You are good at it.  And, like I told you, you never know when it might be an escape from the world.

Jennifer P.
You are truly an inspiration to me!  Here you are, in Grad School, all grown up and out in the world, while I'm still sitting at home, attempting to get my Bachelor's!  Not only have you taught me the value of a good education, but you have also taught me the joy in "letter writing" (or, in our case, e-mail writing).  I feel so bad that I have not done more to keep in touch with you!  This must change!  We both have lives, and I know I'm interested in your epic adventures over at Ohio State!  I am going to make it a goal to write more often!  And I can't wait to see you again!!  Thank you for your friendship over the years!  You've been such a blessing to my life!

Mike P.
Oh, Mike!  You are simply hilarious!  But underneath all the banter and humor that's part of who you are, you are an amazing example of Christ and the love that He has for each one of us.  You have always been so kind as to look for me at Church and shake my hand.  You have taught me that the Gospel can be fun, but it also has its serious moments.  Thank you for watching out for me!

Joe E.
You have been an amazing Home Teacher for the last two years!!  I have thoroughly enjoyed the Spirit you bring every month to my house, without fail!  But more than a Home Teacher, you have a been a dear friend.  You have always looked for me at church, and always checked on me, making sure I was doing okay.  I appreciate your example of what a good Home Teacher is.  It truly is more than a calling or an assignment... It's a lifestyle.  Thank you!

Amy J.
You are one of the sweetest people I know!  You are amazing in every way!  I have enjoyed getting to know you by working with you (and playing, of course!).  The thing you have taught me is the value of work and how dedication is important.  You are also so very caring and concerned about me, and I greatly appreciate that.  You are the best!

Stacie L.
You have been such a sweet friend to me, Stacie!  You were always concerned about me, always caring.  This is one thing you taught me.  Always reach out to others, because you never know the impact you might have on their life.  And, Stacie, you have had an impact on mine.  I hope to be able to serve others similar to the way in which you served me.  Thank you!

Melissa P.
One of the first things I noticed about you was your humility.  You are always so humble and talk in such a soft tone, which is good because it invites the spirit!  It was so much fun having you as a visiting teacher and friend!  I thoroughly enjoyed our visits and the Spirit brought with you wherever you went.  This humility is something I now strive for.  I have a long way to go, but I always remember your example and it brings me renewed strength.  I know you are busy with life now (getting married has that result), but it would be fun to do something sometime!  We'll have to talk!

Chris T.
You have been a good friend!  I enjoyed the fun times we have had!  One thing you have taught me is how to be independent.  I still cannot fathom the fact that you simply left home and moved to Utah.  Simple as that.  It blows my mind!  So, here you are, no immediate family around, and yet you're happy with living life completely on your own.  You are a great example of what being self-reliant truly means.  Thank you for your friendship over the years!  You're awesome!

Brother H.
My favorite Institute teacher!  You are amazing!  I have loved taking your classes for the last three consecutive semesters!  You have changed my view of Institute.  When I first started taking Institute, it was more or less an "optional" class.  It didn't really matter to me if I went or not.  But the first day I attended your class (and you were talking about Principled vs. Circumstance/Recipe Driven), I knew something was different.  There was a spark in you that I had not seen in my other teachers (and I had been "attending" Institute for 3 years prior to this class).  I am so grateful that you took the time out of your busy schedule to come to my mom's funeral.  I cannot tell you what it meant to me.  You have helped the Spirit bring light and truth into my life that I had not felt before.  I do not exaggerate when I say you have helped change my life.  Granted, I know it is the Spirit teaching, but your personality and the way you went about teaching us truths, helped clear any fog our doubt in my mind.  You have taught me many things, and I have learned that a true teacher does not teach from the mind.  He teaches from the heart.  I will forever look up to you.  You are one of my heroes in this life.

Hannah H.
Oh, Hannah.  Words cannot describe what I wish to convey to you.  I don't know how to thank you!  So much has happened this last year that has brought us together, that I don't even know where to start!  You are amazing.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise because I know you are amazing, based on how you have treated me and my dad this year.  Getting to know you has been a blast!  I have learned so much from your example and the things that you do... And your testimony and growth I have witness is truly something to behold.  I like to hope that slowly some of your walls are coming down for me.  (I'm working on lowering my own as well, so we're in this together!)  But I would love to continue getting to know you... the real Hannah.  Because she is so special, so amazing, and so very precious.  Love you, Hannnah!  You've had such a great impact on my life!

Kaylee C.
Inspiring.  That is one word to describe you, Kaylee.  You are super fun to be around and your personality is intoxicating!  I love your sense of humor and your epic stories.  But, more than all that, I love your testimony of the Gospel.  You are a very strong, faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and you display it proudly!  Your testimony burns bright in everything you do and you truly are a living example of Christ.  Christ's light shines through your eyes.  I've seen it, as many others have as well, I am sure.  You have been a great blessing to me by not only befriending me this year, but also by the example of the life you lead.  Someday, I hope to at least get up the mountain high enough to see your footprints, because you are so far ahead of me.  You are a spiritual giant, Kaylee.  And you're amazing.

Brian T.
You are a fun-loving easy to get along with guy.  You are talented and very funny.  I have enjoyed getting to know you better this last year, and I hope work is treating you well!  Speaking of which, that is one thing you taught me.  The value of hard work.  Here you are, just 21, and you've already gone out and made something of yourself in the world.  It's pretty impressive to me.  Perhaps someday I may be able to do the same.

Andrew T.
You are an incredible example to me, Andrew.  It has been so fun watching you change and grow as you have accepted the Gospel and been baptized.  I was sincerely touched when it was announced in Church that you would be receiving the Priesthood.  One of the things I have learned from you is that people can change.  We can always change our lives around and accept Jesus Christ and this true church.  It's been fun getting to know you better over this year!

Jordan W.
You were right.  Our moms both got together in Heaven to bring us together.  You're a wonderful young woman, Jordan!  It's funny, I see so much of myself in you when I was about your age.  Perhaps there's more than meets the eye between us.  I appreciate you befriending me recently.  You're funny yet very strong.  You are an amazing example of strength for me, Jordan.  Your mother has been gone longer than mine has, and I can see the strength you have gained.  We should do monthly/bi-weekly Disney movie nights!  I think that would be fun!  (I would say weekly, but I think we would fly through the movies too quickly!).  Anyway, it's been fun getting to know you and I do appreciate our friendship.

Joe W.
I know we just recently met each other, but in the short conversations we have had (and what little I do know about you) two things are indeed certain: You write excellent poetry, and you have an amazing and very strong testimony of this Gospel.  Your testimony shines bright everytime we talk or I see you (it's in your eyes!).  I love how you acknowledge the Lord's hand in your life, especially with your talents and abilities.  Being able to see Christ in all things is something I continue to strive for, and I'm glad you are several steps--if not miles--ahead of me.  You are a great example to me in how the Gospel needs to be a part of our everyday lives.  And it can be, if we will simply look for it.


So, there you have it!  I know I did not talk about everyone who has made an impact on my life, but there simply are not enough hours in the day to write about everyone!!  But I love all who have been or are currently in my life.  You are all such great examples to me!

Again, some people enter our life and quickly leave... others stay awhile and keep us company.

"It's not the time that matters, it's the person."

The Road of Life

Today I went for a long drive.  Approximately 120 miles, to be exact.

I find driving to be a very soothing activity (especially if one has the right kind of music blasting through the speakers) and I have had a lot on my mind lately.  For starters, I feel my life is changing.  There is a growing desire inside of me for a change.  But I don't quite know what that change is exactly... Is it moving out?  Is it relationship/marriage?  Is it work-related?  In either case, I feel this premonition (if you will) that a change is coming.

And it's coming sooner than I think.

A lot can happen in a short amount of time.  I have seen this in my own life.  I have seen people meet and get engaged within three months of meeting each other.  That concept kind of blows my mind, but I'm not going to say "Well that will never happen to me" because then it probably would.  Isn't that how life goes sometimes?  And it is not just marriage!  This last year a lot has happened in my life... a lot.  For those of you who know me, you already know most that has happened.  People can be gone in the blink of an eye and your world can be turned upside down faster than you can think.  Life changes quickly...

So I was driving along, heading North, as I reflected on some of the things that have happened this last year and everything that has happened since August.  I was blessed to realize how similar life is to a road.

On your Road of Life, you may be cruising along enjoying the ride.  Perhaps it is a nice smooth ride, with little bumps in the road.  You might even occasionally stop to enjoy the scenery!  At other times on your trip, you might encounter areas where there are potholes and debris.  During those hazardous times, I encourage you to do as President Uchtdorf taught, "Slow down!"

The curves of life can sometimes be a difficult obstacle.  But if we slow down and follow the path, we will not run off the road and crash.  We may not know how long the bend in the road is, or if there is a hill on the other side.  We often cannot see around a curve, and--like a curve in life--trying to speed around it can be hazardous, thinking we know what is on the other side of that bend.

But the thing I enjoy most about driving is the knowledge that I am going somewhere.

I may not know my end destination, but I have a goal to drive in one direction.  If I plan to "drive North" I am going to make sure I keep taking roads that will lead me North.  I will not take a road that says "South" or that appears to be a long U-turn, causing me to go the other direction.  I do not wish to drive off my designated path.  Sometimes in life, I feel like I know where my end destination is.  At other times, I feel as though I am simply driving to drive.

And there is nothing wrong with either of those opinions!  Occasionally life gets hard and all you can do is drive.  You don't know where the road will lead you, but you know you are headed in the right direction.

And the direction is all that really matters.

Yes, you want to reach an end destination at some point, (and let's all hope we're going to arrive at the end destination of being worthy to live with our Heavenly Father again).  But when it comes to this life, we will all end up at different locations.  Some will get married, some may not.  Others may have kids, others may not.  More may attend college, many more may not.

The point is, we are all driving on the Road of Life.  We will all experience the bumps, construction, and thrills of driving it.  The blessing is being able to know that if we do have an accident of any kind, our loving Savior Jesus Christ is instantly there beside us, helping us, and guiding us through the trial.  Jesus Christ will never leave us alone.  And the best part is, unlike a call to a service company, we never have to wait for Him!!!  If we will but turn to Him for help, He will help us.  All we must do is ask.

And that, my dear friends, is what brings me the greatest peace of all while I drive this Road of Life.

"Silence" Book Review

Last night I purchased a much awaited book (released yesterday).  However, despite my "much anticipation," I found I had forgotten about it until 7:00 pm last night.  Yes, I did indeed get dressed again and do my hair again and go to town... again.

There were several reasons for this crazy action.  Here are just a few:

1) I am fond of the series.  In a way, it's a guilty pleasure of mine and I love reading it...

2) I read book one all day Thursday (and completed it in one day--my new record for a book) and I spent a couple hours Friday and my weekend evenings reading book two.  I last read these books a year ago (when the second book was released) and I wanted to refresh my memory.  With the investment of time I just exercised, I thought I had to have this third book the day it came out.

3)  I was dying to hear what was going to happen in the story.  Book two left off on an incredible cliff-hanger... and I mean the WORST kind of cliff-hanger... the ultimate villian shows up and basically poses a question and then it simply ENDS!  Obviously I was dying to continue.

4)  I simply wanted to go back to town... there's just something about driving in the rain with a set destination. =)

So, here is my rant/review of the said book...

**SPOILER WARNING** for Hush, Hush and Crescendo.  **POSSIBLE SPOILERS** for Silence.

Men I Would Love to Have In My Life

Alright, so this is basically a hilarious post with a crazy idea I came up with tonight...

You see, I finished two books this weekend (in one series) because the third is being released on Tuesday.  Anyway, it made me start thinking about all the great male characters (both real and fictional alike) who I would simply LOVE to have in my life.  I know, you can say it, I'm crazy.  ^-^

Here we go!!

First up, the best of the best (in my opinion)...

Dante Alexander
The Hourglass Door Book Series by Lisa Mangum
*As portrayed by Ben Barnes

Purpose: "Perfect Boyfriend"
He's simply the perfect guy.  No joke!  He has the whole "bad boy" thing going on, but he truly is a good guy at heart and will do anything to save his girl, even if it means the destruction of time itself!


Kishan
The Tiger's Curse Book Series by Colleen Houck
*Picture found via Google and edited by me (MelissaH)

Purpose: "Playful"
He's a man who can change into a tiger.  Simple as that.  Actually, I fell in love with Kishan's personality and how playful he is.  He's very smart and can easily sweet talk anyone.  I would have a BLAST talking back to him.

(Side Note: Yes, I would choose Kishan over the male-lead/hero Ren.  I'm apparently one of the few fans that would.  What is up with that?  Why do the fans always go for the good guy?  Where's the sense of adventure and daring?  ...Alright, now that I've established I'm a die-hard "bad boy" fan, let's continue with the list, shall we?)


Patch / Jev
The Hush, Hush Book Series by Becca Fitzpatrick
*As portrayed by Drew Doyon

Purpose: "Bad Boy"
Perfect bad boy.  No joke.  It also helps that he's an angel... Fallen-turned-guardian angel, that is.  He would simply be fun to have around, not to mention the interesting dilemma it would be having him and Kishan in the same room... Oh man, I would have a camera recording the whole event!  What would it be like to watch a tiger and a fallen angel fight and, more importantly, who would win?  Hmmm... ^-^


Red Salvias
The Destroyer Series by Melissa Hansen (me!)
*As portrayed by Theo Theodoridis

Purpose: "Guard Dog"
Red is fiercely loyal and protective.  He would do whatever it took to protect his girl and would cherish her forever (which for him is a very long time).  Not to mention, he has been a very close "friend" of mine for years.  I'm excited to finally be writing about him!!  Check out my book series here.


The Doctor
Doctor Who
*As portrayed by David Tennant

Purpose: "Knowledge & Travel"
For all my quick-talking, Scottish-accent, alien-savy needs!!  Not to mention being able to travel to other worlds, times, and galaxies with the use of his TARDIS!  Talk about fun!!!  The Doctor is an amazing character and I fell in love with the way David portrayed him in the series.  I was quite sad when he left the show, but we all realize that the show must go on.  However, David Tennant will always remain THE Doctor in my life.  "Ten forever!" ^-^


Alan Rickman

Purpose: "Poetry @ Night"
Alright, I know he's married, and a whole lot older, but have you HEARD this man's voice????  The whole reason I would want him is so he could read me poetry and tell me stories before bed each night.   I would easily fall asleep to his voice and have the best of dreams.


Johnny Depp

Purpose: "Simply Because"
It's Johnny Depp... do I honestly need a reason? =P


David Hodges

Purpose: "Musical Therapy"
Some--if not most--of you have probably not heard of this man.  He is an amazingly talented song writer and his fingers work wonders on the piano.  He has helped write songs for popular artists such as Kelly Clarkson, Daughtry, David Archuleta, Carrie Underwood, and David Cook.  I simply LOVE his musical talent and I could easily listen to him play for hours.


And last, but certainly NOT least...

Flynn Rider
Disney's "Tangled"

Purpose: "Make Me Laugh"
I love his sense of humor!!  He would be able to make me laugh all the time.  (If you have not yet seen Tangled, I would very, very, VERY strongly suggest that you do!)


Anyway, so there's my wonderful list of men who I wish were currently in my life... Life would be complete.

(*Notice how the fictional men are at the top of the list... aside from Flynn.  I wonder if there's a hidden meaning to that... lol!)

Alas, I realize this list will never be a possibility.  HOWEVER, I have excellent men currently in my life who I would not trade for anyone in this world--real or fictional.  I look up to each of these men because of their excellent examples.  They all have qualities that I love and talents I sometimes am envious of.  I am truly happy I have the chance to know and interact with each of them here in this life.  Love ya, guys!!!

Now what is YOUR list???

Weakness

Have you ever been hurt deeply by someone you thought you could trust?

Have you been betrayed or hurt by a loved one?

Have you had a friendship that fell apart, and you thought back and said, "What went wrong?"

Have you ever done something to another person and regretted it terribly (whether intentional or not), but with no way to apologize to the person you hurt?

Have you ever felt alone, as though the world seems to flowing all around you, yet you seem to be standing still?

Have you ever lost someone you cared about greatly?

I don't know the answers you might have for the questions listed above, but I know mine is a yes to all of them.

I believe, if you said "no" to any of the above, you will experience it at some point in your life.

But all hope is NOT lost!!

There is hope.  There is always hope.

And it's found through our loving Savior, Jesus Christ.  During His infinite Atonement, He felt every pain, every hurt we ever had or ever will experience.  He has felt our loneliness, our suffering, our grief, our doubt, our worry, and He is the ultimate Comforter because of this.  He is someone we can go to for help and guidance when all seems lost in this world.  At times when life simply seems too dark, and that no one cares, I can guarantee that He cares.

He knows who we really are; for He lived with us in the premortal life and taught us, interacted with us, and came to know us each individually.

Therefore, He knows what we are capable of becoming in this life.

He sees not only our weaknesses, but also our many strengths.

Often in this world, we tend to focus on the negative--what we don't have.  Things like, "I'm not pretty enough" or "skinny enough," "If only I had that talent, I'd be happy," "I wish I was popular like that person is," or "If only I were more socially accepted...."

Thoughts like this only serve to drive the Spirit away and halt our progress.

We need to realize that yes, we all have weaknesses.  But we also have strengths.  I think we have more strengths than we have weaknesses.  If we would stop looking for the negatives and start looking for the positives, I think we would find we have more strength than we realized.  Yes, there is always room for improvement in all aspects of life (if you have perfected an aspect of your life, please let me know so we can chat! ^-~).

But that is what this life is about: Growing, changing, and drawing closer to our Savior and Heavenly Father.

We may not be the "perfect" boyfriend/girlfriend/friend, but we all know how to love, and we all know what it's like to be hurt.  But through the pain of being hurt, we must also latch on to our strength to love.  By showing that love to others, more love will grow within us, and one day we will have that love we desire.

That is just one small example.

Like what the Lord speaks to Moroni in the Book of Ether:

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."  Ether 12:27 [Italics added for emphasis]

We are given weaknesses in this life and are here to experience the pains associate with mortality... But we are also here to be made strong, and to overcome those pains so that we can experience true joy.

I want to clarify, we did not come to this life purely to suffer.  We came to this earth to gain the experience and knowledge necessary to return to our Heavenly Father's presence and become gods and goddesses ourselves one day, but we must live worthily here and try the best we possibly can.  Keep in mind, I did not say we had to be perfect in this life, but we must strive to become so to our fullest capacity.  Not having to be perfect is one of the many blessings of the Atonement.  If the Atonement of Jesus Christ had not happened, there would be no life, no mortal experience, and no chance of ever seeing our Heavenly Father again.  But, because we do have a Savior, we are blessed with the opportunity to experience this life--this glorious life--and return back to our Heavenly Father.

There is much joy in this life.  As difficult as it may seem some times, there is always joy around us, if we but open our hearts to see and feel it.

So, during your next moment of "the blues," let me challenge you to say a word of prayer (even just in your heart if you cannot kneel down and pray in your current location), and the Lord will help you.  I have seen this work in my life, and through Him, I was made stronger and better able to face my challenges.  Those challenges may seem "small" to others, but they are big for me, and therefore they are big to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

They will listen, They will help, They will comfort.

Always.

Blessings That Come From Sacrifice

Remember this post about "closing old doors" in my life?

Well, it didn't dawn on me until just this week that when I gave up my video editing (with hopes of being more socially active), I didn't know that the very next Sunday was when my crazy social week started.

Since that epic week, life has slowed down a little, but I'm still enjoying the company of my new friends and acquaintances I've recently made.

For example, switching my Institute class so I could be with friends/people I know, has worked out wonderfully!  After class, they normally go up to the Institute break-room and eat lunch and simply hang-out for a couple hours.  I was able to attend Monday for the first time, and it was highly enjoyable!  I look forward to this activity on Mondays and Wednesdays in the future...

I've also been attending Ward activities lately (all those "Sunday Sweets" or "Dessert and Flirt" after Ward Prayers, not to mention FHE) and I've come to get to know a lot of new people in the Ward!  I also have found it easier to remember faces and names because I've interacted with them outside of Church (and I don't go a full week without seeing them).  This also has been a blessing in my life!

As I ponder upon these things and all the events that have taken place recently, I've grown to realize there are wonderful blessings that can come from sacrifice!  If we are willing and able to work hard, fighting the inner battles in order to overcome, we can be blessed for our efforts.  Giving up video editing has not been easy, and I still have the urge to open iMovie and waste away my afternoon or evening... But I've come to see the blessings I've personally received by not giving in to that temptation.

This not only applies to an innocent hobby, of course.  Whenever we sacrifice our time, energy, or resources for others, we will be blessed.  I have seen this work time and time again in my life (especially when I don't exactly want to do it, but I force myself to).  Granted, the blessings come quicker and are more easily recognized if you're not fighting it.

Also, as I learned in Institute, true strength does not simply come by giving in.  True strength comes from fighting inner battles and conquering them.

I often feel as though I've been fighting an inner war for years, spread into several smaller battles.  With each new victory comes peace.  Sometimes those battles are more difficult to fight than others, but I've seen more changes within myself when I fight those harder battles.  No, war is never easy, especially when it's within yourself.  However, if one can persevere through the battles, using patience when needed, the war will be won.

Your war may last a lifetime.

For others, it may only last years.

Whatever the case may be, might I encourage you to keep fighting those battles, strengthening your inner army, and conquering the enemies of your soul.

I leave you with these few words of encouragement that I came up with a while ago and have given me strength over the past several weeks:

"For the dawn is now breaking, the darkness will soon depart.
And Hope will shine brighter, growing within a grateful heart."

Writing and Characters

With all that has been going on this past week, I've had the strangest inclination to simply write.

Last night I was looking through some of the pictures I've created for my Destroyer Series, and I concluded I'm not simply craving to write just anything, but I'm talking about serious book/novel writing here!

Why?

I honestly don't know.

Back when Mom was in the hospital, I found great peace and relaxation in free-writing... something I haven't done since that whole experience.  I posted several of those free-write sessions on my FaceBook, and I'm thinking I should write more.  I actually enjoyed them because they allowed my mind to create whatever world it wanted to.  I was not concerned with how what I was writing now would have an affect on the over all story later.  I simply put pen to paper and did not remove said pen until I felt satisfied.  It's a great experience!  Perhaps I should do that tonight...

But anyway, back to my Destroyer Series...

I recently purchased a book on character development.  First of all, I love learning about how to develop characters, whether it's seeing how other authors have done it or learning by reading, I love to learn about it.  Second, I'm super paranoid about making my own characters come across accurately.  I want my reader to see the characters like I do.  Alas, I find this to be a false hope seeing as we're all individuals and Reader A will most likely see one character in a different light than Reader B.

However, that knowledge does not deter me from trying my hardest to make the characters the best they can be!

...And I'm learning a lot.

Not only from reading this educational book, but also from the small details of the character's lives that emerge as I think about them.  Little things that start a small fire than burns into a raging inferno.  Occasionally, those seemingly small "match" fires have literally burnt my world down and built a new one... One of those "major" fires was the introduction of Zak to the story.  Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he entered, but when he came knocking, the entire world shifted--as did the entire story.  No joke.  It's been quite the ride...

Anyway, this post is really just me trying to postpone going to bed tonight.  I'm really tired, but not.  You know?  So I apologize for this being such a random blog.

But that's what blogging is: random.

Oh well, the sooner I get to bed, the sooner morning comes, right?  And I can start all over again!

Principle vs Circumstance

This week--and especially weekend--my eyes have been opened to see my true self in a different light.

On Friday night I went to the Institute activity (the one where I was going to meet my Instructor's wife!), only to be sadly disappointed.  I knew exactly how I wanted things to be--I'd go, find friends, meet my Instructor's family, hang-out, and have a good time--but alas, things did not go "according to plan." (See previous post here).

Well, yesterday (Saturday), I went to the baby shower for my cousin.  Honestly, when I awoke I did not want to go.  I was in one of those moods (as you gathered from the post) where all I wanted to do was stay home and do something physical.  Well, when the baby shower ended around noon, I knew I would be home around 1:00 PM, plenty of time to hit the gym!

On the way into the valley, I received a phone call.  A co-worker was sick and was wondering if I could take the rest of her shift.  Obviously, I agreed--I could use the hours anyway.  So as soon as I got home, I rushed up to work.

Two hours later, I was back at home only to run downtown for some things.

By the time I finally arrived home for the night, it was around 8:00 PM.  It had been a hectic day...

And not at all according to plan.

Funny thing is, my Institute teacher talked about this concept called "Principle vs Circumstance Driven People" during class on Wednesday.  This is the THIRD time I have heard this talk in the last year!  It took me until now for it to really sink in!

Those who are Circumstance Driven tend to change how they behave and the choices they make depending on the circumstances (such as the friends they are with, the things they are doing, etc).  Whereas those who base their life on Principle remain steady and unwavering regardless of the circumstances.

Let's use an example, shall we?

Bob goes out on the town with some friends to a party.  Alcohol is being served and his friends invite him to have a drink.  Now, if Bob were a Circumstance Driven person, he would easily justify the fact that "it's only this one time" or "I don't want to look bad to these guys; they're my friends!"  So he takes a drink and consequences follow.

If Bob were Principle Driven, he would have declined the drink, saying something like he believes in the Word of Wisdom and doesn't want to partake in the drinking.  So he does not take a drink and the consequences follow.

Keep in mind, consequences will follow regardless of the choice you make.  There is always a consequence to every action.  Not all consequences are bad, some of them are good.  Perhaps the consequence of Bob taking the drink involves a car accident on the ride home, or getting into trouble with a girl, or worse yet, he could end up an alcoholic.  On the other hand, the consequences for Bob not taking the drink may include losing some friends, or he could move on to a higher ground and a better way of life.

If you always "Choose the Right" does that mean your life will be easy?

No.  In fact, it's been my experience that at that moment--when the decision is placed before you--it's often harder to make the correct choice (unless previously decided upon).  But once the deed is done, you'll be so glad you made that correct choice.  Choosing the Right does not mean life will be easy, it simply means it will be easier in the long run.  Like a sweet young woman said today during Testimony Meeting today: Sometimes our perspective gets a little skewed in the moment and we forget the long-term picture.

Are you Principle Driven or Circumstance Driven?

Honestly, I found out this weekend I am very much a Circumstance Driven person.  And this needs to change... I find that when things don't work out the way I have planned them in my head, I tend to get depressed or down on myself.  This is not good.  Also, in the past my friends have often affected me emotionally, or had a lot of influence on me, to a great degree (like a roller-coaster ride), and this is one result of being Circumstance Driven.  I could be having the happiest day in the World, and then one thing happens and it ruins my entire day (because it works me up emotionally).  I should not let this happen.  I'm only hurting myself when I do this, and it's certainly not productive!

I need to work at becoming more Principle Driven, so when the bumps do come along, they don't shake my world.

It's Early...

It's 7:30 and I'm wide awake.  I first stirred around 6:50, but I just didn't want to get up (the cool breeze from the window and feeling warm under the covers prohibited me from having any motivation to move).

Last night wasn't the greatest night of my life (as I was hoping for).

Didn't get a chance to meet my Instructor's wife (he had eight kids around him, all clamoring for his attention and I didn't feel I could/should interrupt).  I'm amazed at how he could focus his attention on one child and then another as though flipping through the channels on TV.  It was rather impressive!  But his wife was not nearby.

The other "bad" decision I made was assuming I would find my friends at the party once I arrived.

That did not happen.

And wandering around alone was not appealing in the least and it made me feel a bit low (I'll admit).  I did run into a couple people (acquaintances), but nothing more.

So, next time there's a big party like that (after all, it's not like going to a Ward party where you recognize most people and can start a conversation with them), I will be going with a group of friends, because clearly, I couldn't find them last night.

I left the party early, and drove.

Driving helps me a lot of times work through my thoughts, and since I had a lot at that moment, I drove up to the State Border and back.  I love that drive.  It's not the most scenic, but it's just open highway and I get to go 60 mph... which I was in need to do.  Just drive.

By the time I arrived home, my mood hadn't improved much.  It did a little (thanks to blasting Simple Plan and singing my guts out--that normally helps!), but I still went to bed in emotional disarray.

Now, this morning, I'm headed down South for my cousin's Baby Shower!  In ways, I think it'll be good to get out of the house and be with family... In other ways, I'd rather stay home and work outside pulling weeds (or hit the gym... do something physical, perhaps that would also help).

Then again, who knows!  When I get home today it may still be early and I might just hit the gym this afternoon!!  We'll just have to see how the trip goes.

Oh!  And then, this only added to my "saddened" mood, I had one of those freaky moments this morning where I considered the random possibility that Dad wouldn't wake up--he'd had some kind of heart attack during the night (after all, yesterday was extremely stressful for him).  Granted, I KNOW this couldn't be a real possibility, but it's a legit fear.  So that didn't help my mood much.  He's still in bed (despite going to bed at 9 PM) and unconscious.  I'm sure he's just sleeping, but there's that little voice in the back of my head taunting me... and oh how I wish it would stop.

Well, off to be with family!!  Let's see if that can brighten my mood, at least to some degree!

So, to summarize:

• At the next party, going with a group of friends = more fun.
• Being active physically (like at a gym) is important and I need to do it more often (especially now that I won't be working as much).
• Dad will be just fine if I have faith, and I shouldn't let thoughts like that bother me.
• I'm going to go and have a good time with family today!!

Crazy Social Week

I got off work early today.

It's been a CRAZY week!!  First week of school, so the Bookstore was insane, and remember how I said I was going to be more social?  Well, I had the great blessing of being so this week...

...Like every night.

Don't get me wrong, it's been GREAT and I've thoroughly enjoyed it!!  It's just been kind of crazy with it being all at once and during the busiest time of year at work.  *sigh*


Sunday
I had the impression to go to Ward Prayer that night.  As the afternoon went on, I brushed the impression off, only to get a call from the Bishop asking if I was attending (impression #2), and then to have my Home Teacher tell me a friend (and recent convert) was directing the meeting (impression #3).  After they left, I knew I had to attend.  Three impressions is kind of a major hint that I need to act.

So I went to Ward Prayer (the first time in a LONG time).

And I saw an old acquaintance I hadn't seen in years!  He's in town visiting for a week and I was surprised to see him there.

Funny story, there was a "linger longer" (or "Dessert n' Flirt") after the prayer at a member's home.  Well, this acquaintance of mine planned everything out so I ended up driving him to the party while I attended, despite not planning to go (he was sneaky about it, let me tell you!  I don't think he realizes exactly what I know he did that night... Of course, I figured it out thanks to his brother ^-^).  Anyway, the linger longer was way fun and I got to socialize with a lot of people I haven't really had a chance to talk to in a while.

Sunday night was a great night!!


Monday
Had to work at 7:00 AM until 4 PM.

I went to Institute and had the impression that the Spirit was going to be different in this last than the previous ones I had had from the same instructor... I didn't know why until Wednesday (keep reading).

I attended FHE at the Single's Ward (also a first in a LONG time).  It was a small group of four people... yeah, you heard me: FOUR people turned out.  It was interesting, and since I had put in a full day at work, I went home an hour later and straight to bed... I was asleep by 7:30 PM.


Tuesday
Again, another EARLY morning for work (7:00 - 4:00)

There was a birthday party for Brian (the acquaintance visiting) and Andrew (the newest member to the Ward--who directed the Ward prayer on Sunday).  I thought it would be fun to go, seeing as I'm attempting to be more social and it's always good to get to know new people!  Not to mention to simply support both of them!  Since I kind of knew Brian from years ago, and I now knew Andrew from teaching him in the Ward, being in attendance at the party simply felt "right."

Long story short, the party was great (a good turn-out with excellent food and conversation) and it was rather fun to see the brothers interact.  I'll be honest here, I haven't really met very many twins in my life, and it was neat to be a part of that party on Tuesday, especially as it was an important birthday (the big "21").  It was just fun to watch both of them...

I think part of my fascination is because first of all, siblings in general boggle my mind.  I grew up (and still am) an only child.  I have never had the "wonderful" experience of siblings, so I can't relate to those of you who have close relationships with your brothers/sisters.  I don't know what it's like to have a best friend within the family that's around your age and can relate to you and your circumstances at home.  That was one thing that's been hard on me during the last several years with Mom.  It was hard to relate to others (or have others relate to me).  ANYWAY, I find siblings, especially if they're closer in age, fascinating.  And make them twins, and it's even more intriguing!  There's just a special connection with twins.  I don't know if Brian and Andrew have a special connection like this, but I assume so--based on what I've witnessed.  We haven't really discussed it or anything, so who knows!  But I do look forward to getting to know BOTH of them better!!

Their parents are GREAT!  Their mother is one of the sweetest women I've EVER had the opportunity to meet!!  She was so nice and so sweet!  I didn't get to interact too much with their father (despite him eating next to me--he was a bit distracted talking to the Bishop).  But he seemed like a very pleasant guy.

Oh!  I also found out I should listen to my impressions when signing up for Institute.  Originally I registered for an 11:30 class with my favorite instructor, but later changed it to 12:30 in favor of work.  Well, Tuesday night I found out Andrew and a couple other friends were in the 11:30 class I had originally signed-up for!!

As my friend and I were leaving, Brian ended up getting my number out of me (lol!).

My friend also pointed out, as we arrived home, that she found it interesting how I was perfectly comfortable sitting at one end of the table next to Andrew and his father, or going inside to hear Brian play his bass, while she preferred being around the girls.  This was an interesting insight for me.  I know I've always been more comfortable around guys for some reason.  Depending on the day, I'd prefer hanging out with the guys over going shopping with the girls.  I don't know why this is, but let's just hope I have more sons when I have kids after I'm married!  I don't think I'd know what to do if I had girls...

Anyway, later that night I also had my friend Hannah come over to my house.  She's been having a rough time lately and it was nice to have her over and enjoy a glass of milk and simply talk for about an hour.  She's amazing and her strength blows my mind.  I'm so blessed to be able to call her my friend!!  (Hannah, if you're reading this, I'm thinking about you and hope things are going alright!!)


Wednesday
Last day I had to work at 7:00 AM!!  Working another full day.  But luckily, I talked to my boss and she was able to adjust the permanent schedule so I could attend the 11:30 Institute class with my friends!!  YAY!!  I found the Spirit to be different in the 11:30 class, which I liked.  I think it might have something to do with when I'm in a class with friends, and I have the opportunity to hear their testimony, it's a stronger confirmation to me because I KNOW them.  For me, the Spirit is simply different when I hear a stranger bear their testimony (yes, it often still is very touching, but I feel something different when it's someone I personally know).  So I'm way excited to be able to attend this class with friends!

I also received a text from Brian asking me to hang-out that night.  We went to a restaurant and ate dinner (breakfast), followed by attempting to go to a guitar store (but it was closed) so we came back to my place and played video games.

It was a rather enlightening experience, but quite fun!  I enjoyed getting know Brian better, especially since neither of us really know the other very well.  It's too bad he leaves town again so soon...


Thursday
I put in another huge day at work (but I was able to sleep-in an extra hour!!), and at 3:30 (towards the end of a long and stressful day) I had to manually swipe 101 gift cards through the register... twice!!  Half of which I had to do a THIRD time!!  THAT'S LIKE 250 CARD SWIPES!!!!!  It, along with the crazy full day at work, had exhausted me and I came home feeling like I had the Flu!!  I supposed this is what I get when I try to do something every night of the week and still work 35 hours...

I had planned to meet up with a dear friend of mine who was currently in town (she's doing graduate school out of the state) and she's been out of the country this summer studying abroad!  I really wanted to see her, but after I got off work, I quickly realized just how tired I was and I didn't think: 1) I would be able to make it, and 2) she would even enjoy my company if I was so tired.  So we have postponed until next weekend!  Thank heavens!  She's so amazing!! ^-^

Needless to say, I went to bed early this night (as in 9:00 PM early).


Friday
I was lucky enough to get off work a half-hour sooner than planned (10:30 AM) and so I've had the entire day to myself so far!!

Brian texted about 3:30 asking if I was home.  He stopped by (on his way out of town) to give me a movie we'd discussed on Wednesday....

What do you think it means when a guy buys you anime?  (lol!!)

I also had a call from my grandmother about attending a baby shower for one of my cousins tomorrow!!  So, I'll be headed out of town at 9 AM and who knows when I'll be coming back (probably afternoonish).

And TONIGHT,  I'm excited because there is the Institute Opening Social (there will be lots of food, people, and entertainment), so it will be a BLAST!  And the best part?  I get to meet my favorite instructor's wife!!  I know, that sounds really weird, but you have to understand that this same instructor (of Institute) changed my life last year and he was willing/able to come to Mom's viewing!!  He has been a tremendous support through this trial and I'm very grateful to him!  So I look forward to having the chance to meet his dear sweet wife who he is married to eternally!!
So, this is my week so far...  And with any luck, I'll get a call tonight or tomorrow asking me to teach on Sunday... lol!!!  The way this week has gone, it wouldn't surprise me!!

Well, off to party for a few hours!!!

Closing Old Doors

This last year there has been a lot of change in my life.

1. I lost my best friend.
2. My mother passed away.
3. I threw out pieces of my old life.
4. And now, I may just possibly be giving up a hobby I have loved for years.

Now, as readers of this blog, you may know that my last post was a "letter" to FaceBook (not actually sent, mind you).  I had made a video and went to post it on FaceBook to show my friends, but was not able to due to copyright.  FaceBook actually gave me a warning they would possibly delete my account if more copyrighted material was uploaded.  (You can read that warning in its entirety here.)

Well, I've done a lot of thinking over the last 24 hours and I've come to a conclusion.

Video editing takes a LOT of time, especially when you're striving to rip your own footage because you don't feel it's good to download illegal torrent files--not to mention you don't have the software to do such a thing anyway! ^-^  But, a while ago when I was considering upgrading my computer so I could use new software, something monumental dawned on me...


I can't picture myself editing when I get married and become a mom.

It hit me hard and I actually didn't edit for a few months.  This original idea was planted about 15 months ago.

Over the last few months, as I've come to appreciate some of the more important aspects to this mortal life, I've come to realize how much time I spend editing videos and ripping footage.  It blows my mind.  But then I reason with myself and say, "Well, it's my escape from reality!  We all need a break at some point!"  But the hours upon hours I've spent just doesn't justify itself anymore.  I have more important things I want to do, like:

• Being more socially active in my Ward, especially going to activities
• Doing more with friends
• Working on chores and major projects at home
• Strengthening my spirituality and testimony in the Gospel
• Studying harder in school

Those are just a few of the activities I've come up with that I could spend my time on instead of editing videos.

Last night was simply the straw that broke the camel's back.

Now, some brief history:  I have been thoroughly interested in video editing since 2001.  I have edited videos since 2003.  While dating in high school, I did not edit a SINGLE video.  A whole year, and not one video was produced... Yet I didn't miss it.  I only turned back to it when my life took a turn for the better and I found more time on my hands, along with inspiration for videos.  Switching to a Mac at the end of 2008 was difficult because I had to start learning a new program all over again, and one that was FAR less effective and flexible than the program I HAD been using.

But I made iMovie work for me, despite the hair-pulling events.

I canceled my YouTube as a form of closing out part of my old life.  I re-opened a NEW account, but it has not been active because I couldn't upload any videos to it, due to copyright claims.  Well, I discovered I could upload to FaceBook, and this worked better because only my friends would see my work.  I loved being able to share this work.

But now, my priorities have changed.  I'll be starting school again in Spring, and I still have lots of large chores I want to do around the house (like organizational/major cleaning projects).

And with my new calling in the Ward, I would like to spend more time preparing to teach my lessons than I currently am.

But the largest thing for me, is the fact that I REALLY want to be more social.  I'm such a homebody that I would easily choose staying home over going out on almost any occasion.  And after the years I've had of being hurt by those I love, I've built up walls and I'm suspicious of those I meet and talk to socially.  I'm slowly trying to tear those walls down, but something like that is never easy.

Losing those you love is so difficult.  When my mom passed away, it was hard but it was also a great blessing because I have watched her suffer so much over the last few years with pain.  Like they say, "Death is not the end, only the beginning."  I truly believe that.  There's an entire other WORLD on that side of the veil, and I know my mom is being kept busy over there!

But losing friends is also hard.  I've watched as my friendships have dwindled and all but disappeared.  I have weak connections to my friends, but they're not strong enough for me to feel comfortable calling them up and saying, "Do you want to do something tonight?"  And I truly miss that.

This is where being active in the Single's Ward will help a great deal.  I'm hoping to build some friendships that I can lean on for support, especially during times of trials and difficulties.  Talking is my "love language" and it's how I feel the most connected to a person; how I best feel appreciated.  I haven't had many people to talk to over these last few months other than Dad.  This is mostly my own fault for the walls I've built up to keep people out.

But those walls are starting to crumble as I'm getting more desperate to reach out and have someone else reach back.

I think this is a good thing because it drives me to change.

And change is exactly what I need right now.

Which gets me back to the whole video editing thing (sorry, that was a long detailed detour).

I seriously am thinking of giving it up, or at least not editing nearly as much.  Now that there's no way to share my work, I'm not as driven to make videos.  Not to mention the time and the effort it takes to make the videos.  I just don't feel I have that much time and energy to dedicate to the hobby anymore because I have other--more important--areas I should be dedicating myself to.

Anyway, I came up with a quote which is my new motto for my situation right now (*inspired by a video I saw about two years ago).  I also feel it can be applied to any sort of change we're dealing with, whether it be a change of hobby, a different choice in school classes, a dissolving of friendships, or the loss of a loved one.  I hope this quote may give you strength during these difficult times.

"Closing old doors is hard,
But opening new ones doesn't have to be."
- Melissa Hansen 2011

Dear FaceBook

Dear FaceBook,

You are a wonderful social media networking site!  I love being able to log-on and update statuses while seeing what all my friends are up to.  I also enjoy being able to share the things I create with my fellow friends... namely my videos I work hours to create.

But alas, you have destroyed my dream, FaceBook!

My previous video I attempted to upload, you sent me this message:

We have removed your video entitled (no title) uploaded at 9:47pm August 24th, 2011. We did this because it appears to contain copyrighted material owned by a third party, such as a video clip or background audio. If you believe this material was removed by mistake, you may file a counter notice of alleged infringement by following the link below.

Please note that if you re-upload this video without filing a counter notice, or if you upload another video that infringes on the rights of a third party, we may remove the content. This could cause your access to the Facebook Video application, or your Facebook account itself, to be disabled.

WHY would you DO that to such a faithful follower?  I used to love you FaceBook, because you didn't appear as strict on copyright.  I could upload videos to share with friends on FaceBook that I could not upload on YouTube.  I loved you for this...

But now, my loyalty falters...

And I no longer have a reason to continue uploading to you, especially when I do not want my entire account deleted.

I will keep my FaceBook account, but only to maintain connection with my friends...

You have lost me as a loyal follower.

I no longer 'Like' you...

Farewell my old friend.

Sincerely,
MelissaH

Not Good...

In my last post I addressed some quality issues with my videos.  Well, like I said, I think I've worked them out to a quality I can handle...

HOWEVER....

(Don't you just love howevers?)  After hours of ripping footage and time importing videos into iMovie (oh, the horror)... I discovered the end of my clips cut off sooner than I placed the marker!!!  And here I cut the entire movie up into 14 great scenes...

One example, when Megamind and Minion are walking out of the prison, the warden hollars, "Good luck, fellas!" and Megamind replies, "We're gonna die!!"  Minion cheers as well only to shortly exclaim later, "Wait... what?"  It's one of my favorite lines and apparently MPEGStreamclip CUT THE CLIP SHORT!!!  And it's done it to EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER!!

So, I guess at some point in the future, I'll have to RE-encode the movie... but I think I'll make the chapters longer this time...

But oh, the effort...

*cries*

I'm beginning to think I'm cut out for this business...

Video Quality Settings = Frustration!

Ever since I started editing videos, I have been obsessed with quality.  It's been quite a pain, actually, considering nothing seems to appeal to me (at least not my OWN footage... other people can rip BEAUTIFUL footage and edit wonders!).

Here's my dilema:

First: I have using a MAC, so some programs are not even available on the Mac for high quality file compression/converting.

Second: I used iMovie to edit with (Final Cut doesn't like my G5, and the only version of Adobe Premiere I can get a hold of is CS3, and that IF I'm lucky... and even THAT doesn't work on my G5).

Third: Since I am using iMovie, the files that can be imported are limited, therefore, I must convert any video files I personally obtain into a MPEG-4.

Anyway, I've done a lot of searching on Google to try and find the BEST quality settings for the best file size.  Needless to say, it's been a wasted effort.  All the settings I have tried following tutorials lead me to nothing but disappointment.

Granted, I'm being EXTREMELY picky!!  But I have good reason to be:

One: I don't want to have to rip my footage AGAIN and reconvert it if I ever wanted better quality.

Two: When I use iMovie, I cannot adjust rendering settings (you choose basically "small", "medium", "Large", or "High Quality"--but the HQ requires an Intel Processor to render correctly, which I DON'T have, so when the file DOES render in HQ, it has no audio... that's a SLIGHT problem).  Anyway, the original imported footage MUST be good quality because iMovie really lowers the final output picture.

Three: I'm simply picky and want my videos to look good!!

So, today before work I played around with settings in MPEG Streamclip.  Granted, I still have no idea what some of the settings are, but I play around and discover them for myself!

After finding a result that started out looking well, I rendered the entire first half of the movie using the same settings... here are the results:

 Not looking too bad...

 Still looking pretty good... (and doesn't he have the cutest eyes?!! XD)

 Don't they look great as a couple! ^-^  (aka: Still looking alright)

 Okay in this one, notice the red table with the lamp on it... the chair looks a bit glitched...

 Oh... look at the kid standing behind Metroman with the ball in the air...
the ball looks pixelated around the edges...

 Then BAM!!!  
Look at her RED dress!!!  Are you kidding me????  *pulls hair out*

THIS is the original footage (VOB file) screen.

So clearly I'm LOSING quality when I convert to an MPEG-4... but I guess that's to be expected to a degree... but not THIS drastically!!!  And here it ran for about 2 hours... *sigh*

I do, however, like the color of the converted file better than the VOB file... why that is, I don't know.  But the glitchyness around the red dress I simply will NOT stand for, despite the rest of the scenes looking alright.  (It just seems to be the RED... which, this may cause a problem later on when I'm dealing with Titan footage, seeing as he has red in the suit... >.<)

Therefore, I've opted to simply go with 75% quality and do NOTHING with the interlacing, deinterlace, etc. feature.  I seem to get the best result with that.  Yes, I could do 100%, but I couldn't see a big enough difference between 75 and 100 to make up for the tripling of the file size...

Now, keep in mind, one of the reasons I'm SO picky about the footage is because iMovie will take a simple thing like the red dodge balls and make them look TERRIBLE!!!!  iMovie will make ANYTHING I import a lower quality...

IF ANY OF YOU KNOW OF GOOD SETTINGS THAT WOULD FIX THIS PROBLEM, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!!!!!!!! 
(This includes not only MPEG Streamclip settings, but also iMovie '09 rendering settings!!)

I would be very grateful!!!